


Unusual Circumstances

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 17:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20343661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: A companion to "Workforce," one of my favorite eps from the 7th season.This is from Chakotay's POV and deals with the before, during and after when Kathryn has to deal with her affair with Jaffen and learn how to get back to her life with Chakotay.





	Unusual Circumstances

Rating: Mostly PG-13 with some R 

Unusual Circumstances  
By J.A. Greene

Love is that condition in which the happiness of   
Another person is essential to your own.  
\- Robert A. Heinlein

Captain's Log Stardate 54577.6

Voyager has established first contact with a new species known as the Nar'Shardan. These very hospitable people have offered us a place for shoreleave while we set up trade negotiations. Although I'd love to accept them on this kind offer, the crew cannot afford a shoreleave at this moment, since we are scanning a new cluster and nearby system. Because of this, I have assigned commander Chakotay, Neelix and Ensign Kim to take the Delta Flyer. The commander is more than qualified to negotiate for Voyager. They'll be departing in less than one hour. End log. 

Kathryn Janeway sat back in her chair with a sigh, she tapped the desk computer off, and the light from above caught the thin, woven ring on her right middle finger. Her gaze caught it, she lifted her hand up staring at the ring, a soft smile formed filled with love. 

They were married close to six months before, shortly before the ship entered The Void. She still couldn't believe that after seven years, she had accepted Chakotay's marriage proposal. He had asked her after Tom and B'Elanna's wedding at the small reception held. She had been speechless, he had told her he loved her and wanted to be more than just her friend and first officer. He convinced her that protocol wouldn’t be challenged during duty, he'd still respect that. But their off-duty relationship would be better than it would than still being alone, he'd make her happy.

Kathryn had cried, he had doused all her reluctance regarding protocol, she accepted. He kissed her for the first time in front of the crew who cheered happily for them. 

They married two weeks after the prison inmates were transferred over to their next transport ship. She wore a simple white suit, he wore his beige, linen suit and they exchanged vows on the holodeck as Tuvok presided over the ceremony.

After their small reception, he whisked her back to her former quarters, now theirs and made gentle love to her for the first time. They spent two days completely together before returning to duty.

She smiled, she was happy since that day. More so than she had been in years. Then she glanced over seeing the short stack of padd’s sitting on her desk for review. She sighed, sometimes she really hated reading those reports. But knew she had no choice, since Chakotay was going to be away for at least a week, it'd give her time to catch up. 

Deciding to get comfortable, she stood up taking the first one and walked around and up to the sofa. She sat down, turned it on and began to read. A few minutes later, her door chime rang, "come in," she said not looking up. 

The doors slid open and Chakotay walked in, he spotted her on the sofa and smiled. Keeping all business he said, "the Flyer will be ready in a half hour, captain.''

She glanced up at him, but couldn't help the small smile that formed. She sighed, "very good, commander." He still stood there, "is there something else?" 

Chakotay stepped up to her, "not that I'm aware," he sat down next to her. He saw the padd, but no coffee. "Are you backing off all of a sudden?”

She frowned at him, “what are you talking about?”

"No coffee," he said. 

She smirked, "give me a few minutes, those reports are going to drive me to it.”

Chakotay chuckled, he reached out taking her hand, and she grasped it. “I'm going to miss you Kathryn."

"Chakotay you'll be gone for a week," she said firmly. "Your last extended away mission was two weeks, this is no different." She shrugged, "this is just a week shorter.”

"Kathryn it is different," he told her. “We're married now,” she smiled at him, the humor seen in her eyes. “We weren't a year ago." 

She stared at him, her expression softened, "I'll miss you to Chakotay.” Then sighed, “but, with you gone, it'll give me time to catch up on these reports. For some reason, I’ve been falling behind," and grinned mischievously at him. 

He grinned at her, and then shrugged, "I can't figure out why, my love.”

She leaned closer to him, "if you didn't keep me up so late –” 

“-You've had insomnia," he told her, "long before we got married Kathryn. And you still managed to keep up with your work."

"True,'' she agreed, "but I wasn't also being made love to every night.”

"I don't see you complaining," he said gently, she blushed slightly. He chuckled, “I love you Kathryn."

"I love you," she replied gently. 

He sighed, "how about you put that padd down for now and spend the last half hour with me?" 

"And what could we do," she asked curiously, "in that half hour?"

He glanced up, “computer, engage privacy lock," and heard the resounding lock of both her Ready Room doors close. She smirked, he leaned over to her saying softly, “this,” and kissed her gently. 

Kathryn responded giving in with a soft sigh, she wrapped her arms around him. The padd dropped between them as he pulled her closer, she lifted her legs onto the sofa feeling herself warm against him, she groaned. After a moment pulled away gazing at him, the passion seen in her eyes. "We have no time Chakotay." 

He smiled at her, "I know, even though we could. But I know your feelings on protocol regarding no lovemaking in the Ready Room.” She nodded, happy he was respecting her with following that rule. The last thing she wanted was her bridge crew to hear her screaming in the throes of passion. It wouldn't make her look good in front of them, and the last thing she wanted was secret smiles behind her back. Rumors traveled fast on the ship, she didn't want one of being heard having sex in her Ready Room with her first officer and husband. 

"So how about I just hold you?" he asked her.

"That’ll be acceptable," she replied cupping the side of his face. He wrapped his arms around her, she leaned against him loving the feel. They sat quietly for several moments, she smiled feeling him kiss her neck and throat, and she sighed. “I promise to give you a pleasant welcome home." 

He groaned kissing the side of her face, "oh, I can't wait,” and she laughed softly.

Kathryn sat in his arms closing her eyes, she felt comfortable enough that she could fall asleep, but knew that wasn't possible. They sat there for several minutes when they heard the comm chirp, "bridge to Captain Janeway," it was Harry. 

She sighed, “go ahead Harry."

"The Delta Flyer is ready,” he replied.

She opened her eyes glancing up at her husband, he stroked her face. She began to sit up, "the commander is on his way ensign.” 

"Yes, ma’am," he said, and the link went silent. 

She was grateful that her crew accepted their relationship and marriage. They understood if they wanted to be alone, privacy locks now on her Ready Room happened more often, but they weren't making love. Just to have a quiet lunch or coffee break without interruptions when they could step out of their roles as captain and first officer for a short time. 

“Let’s go," she said beginning to stand, he nodded letting her go, "computer, disengage privacy lock," and they headed down towards the door hand in hand.

“Kathryn,” he said, she stopped turning to him. He pulled her up against him taking her face in his hands. "I love you," and kissed her deeply and gently.

She responded with a moan, then forced herself to pull away, "Chakotay -come on.” He stared at her, “I love you to,'' and kissed him gently again. She let him go and they walked out stepping up onto the command level. She gazed over at Harry, "we'll see you gentlemen in a week at our scheduled rendezvous. I trust you'll extend them full federation hospitality?" And looked at Chakotay.

"Of course, Captain,” he said. "Harry?" 

Harry stepped away from his station and his replacement took over. Chakotay smiled gently at Kathryn once more, and then joined him on the upper level. Kathryn watched them, "safe trip and we’ll see you in a week." Their eyes caught as the lift doors closed. 

The last thing Chakotay saw as the lift closed was Kathryn's smile at him and the look of love she was giving him.

One Week Later   
First Officer's Personal Log Stardate-54584.3  
Harry’s sick. Neelix is in back trying to make him feel better. Apparently whatever Neelix had him eat or drink didn't agree with him. So I sent Harry in back to lie down for awhile. All is quiet as we head back to Voyager. I'm happy I haven't gotten sick. It'll be a week since I last saw my wife, I'm looking forward to seeing her again, after a hot shower and some tea. Log out. 

Chakotay adjusted the scanners looking for Voyager, for some reason, wasn't at the scheduled coordinates. It was unlike Kathryn not to do that, she always was where she said they'd be. He felt a sense of worry begin to fill his thoughts, he hoped the rest of the crew were all right and nothing had happened while they were away.

“Where are you?” he asked himself softly. The more he thought about it, he didn't like it. He tapped a toggle, “Harry, I know you not feeling well, but I need both you and Neelix up here.” 

A soft groan was heard, "yes, Commander. We're on our way.”

Chakotay heard the door slide open and glanced back as Harry and Neelix emerged. Harry didn’t look good, but a pale green. He wished he could let him rest, but until they located the ship, it'd have to wait. "Voyager isn't at the scheduled rendezvous. Start scanning the nearby area to see if we can track them down.”

Neelix sat at science puzzled, ''that's odd. What could have happened?''

He shook his head, "I don't know, but their out there somewhere.”

Several hours later, Harry found the ship in a nebula located almost two parsecs away. Chakotay headed in that direction at warp five, determined to find out what happened.

=/\=

Two hours later they entered the nebula finding the ship holding course. Harry scanned it, he was confused, "commander this is strange. I'm detecting no life signs on board.”

Chakotay felt his heart lurch, Kathryn. He kept all business, obviously something had happened. "Life support?"

Harry shook his head, "no sir. There's no environmentals active -"

"What happened?" Neelix asked standing shocked. “Are they dead?” 

“The entire ship is empty," Harry replied. “No bodies. Nothing."

Chakotay stared for a moment, he didn't see the bay doors open. Obviously whatever happened took place days earlier. He locked in the Flyer's course and stood up. "Suit up ensign, we’re going over. Neelix you stay here until we say it's safe.” 

Neelix nodded, '''yes, sir." Hurry and Chakotay headed back to put on their environmental suits. Neelix beamed them over onto the bridge. 

=/\=

They rematerialized onto a dark bridge, which was only illuminated by the red alert status light and various consoles throughout. Chakotay glanced around, it was quiet, something wasn't right.

"Let's check engineering," he told Harry. "At least there wasn't a core breach."

Harry nodded, they stepped down to the station beginning to check ship's status. Several minutes later they heard from the aft turbo-lift, "stop what you're doing and turn around!" 

Both turned to see the Doctor aiming a phaser at them, Harry held up his hands. "Easy Doc! It's just us." 

Chakotay saw relief flood the EMH's - wait, he was in ECH mode -features. Kathryn must have found it necessary to do so, she only had the command protocols to authorize it. "Oh, thank god," he said lowering his phaser. "It’s just you -” he stepped down walking over to them. 

“What the hell happened?" Chakotay asked firmly and curious.

"We ran into a little trouble," the ECH replied, "about 12 hours after you left to meet with the Nar'Shardan. The ship ran into a subspace mine and was flooded with tetryon radiation. I first thought I had an epidemic on our hands ...” and he went onto explain how Kathryn ordered him to vent the ship of the radiation while the crew took refuge on a nearby habitable planet. She, as well as others, were suffering from radiation poisoning. After the crew evacuated, the ship came under attack before he could start repairs and he escaped the attackers by hiding in the nebula. "I've been making repairs since," he finished. Then sighed, "but as you can see, with just one it's been going very slow. And since it was just me, I took life support off to conserve energy." 

"And no word from the crew?" Chakotay asked. 

The Doctor shook his head, "not a word. Commander, I analyzed those attacks from that subspace mine. The signatures matched. Commander, that mine was a deliberate attempt to disable Voyager."

Chakotay was confused, someone had abducted Kathryn and the crew. He wasn't going to let that continue. He wanted his wife, captain and friends back. He sighed, "okay. Well, before we start to search for the crew, we should get life support back online. Neelix is outside in the Flyer waiting to board. Come on, we've got some work to do," they headed up to the lift to take it to engineering. 

Repairs went slowly, as there were only four on board to fix the numerous systems affected by both the attacks and the radiation. It took almost two weeks to get all the primary systems back online. Once astrometrics was up and running again, Harry began scanning the nearby systems for the crew. There was no sign. 

Chakotay hardly slept during those two weeks due to Kathryn's disappearance being foremost on his mind. At the Doctor's insistence, he authorized each of them to take a five hour sleep break every 10 hours. 

He didn't sleep heavy, but in their bed with her pillow beneath his head. Her scent surrounded him and he dreamed. 

Chakotay entered the bridge to work at the science station so the sensors could be adjusted. He made the adjustments and headed across to engineering, the Doctor entered giving his updated repairs report. 

He nodded, "good work Doctor. You can start working on the ruptured plasma conduits on Deck Ten." 

"Ah -excuse me," the Doctor said, he turned to him. “But I'm an E-C-H. Emergency command Hologram, shouldn't I be on the bridge? The ship's command center?" 

Chakotay gritted his teeth swearing quietly. He was exhausted, he missed and worried about his wife and captain. Now he had a holographic doctor turned command, which obviously was going to his head. He sighed, "listen Doc, I appreciate everything you've done here -" the comm chirped. 

“Kim to Chakotay.”

"Go ahead Harry," he said. 

“I found them,” he replied, “Commander. They’re on a M-class planet. At max warp we can be there in less than three days.”

“Great Harry," he told him relieved. "Send the coordinates to the helm. I'll be right down."

"Yes, sir,” Harry said.

Chakotay headed up to the lift, then turned back, "oh and Doctor? The command center is yours," he entered the lift. 

=/\= 

Harry had traced the crew to a planet called Quarra located three days away. They all wondered how the crew end up so far from their original coordinates. As they headed to Quarra they worked on finishing what repairs they could. 

Chakotay then took longer sleep periods, he had a feeling he'd need to be fully rested for whatever lay ahead. 

When the ship entered the system, they were hailed by an official who told them the crew was there. He told Chakotay several were asked on the knowledge of Voyager and claimed they knew nothing of their ship. He suggested to Chakotay to look for his workforce elsewhere. Their visitor workers were protected by the Quarra Worker Visitor Laws and were protected from unsolicited forces.

Chakotay was frustrated, but he didn't want to hurt their chance at beaming down to the planet on getting access to any of the crew. The official threatened them with force if he attempted to retrieve any of the workers. Right then and there, he knew they were on their own, no help was going to be given by the officials. He wasn't giving up that easily.

He ordered the Doctor to take the ship out of orbit. When the Doctor protested, he explained he wanted to make them think they were giving up. The Doctor complied taking the ship out of the system. 

=/\=

During that same time, Kathryn had consummated her relationship with Jaffen, the man she had met while there. She had no memory of Chakotay, Voyager or her crew. All she knew was, she was happy and very content.

She came out of Jaffen's kitchen carrying coffee, or that's what she thought was close enough. She handed it to him while sitting, "hot drinks are what I am good at.” 

He took it from her watching her curl up beside him wrapping a blanket around her. He sipped it, he nodded, "it's good -"

“-I told you," she replied sweetly, with a soft smile.

He wrapped an arm around her gazing into her eyes, "are you comfortable?" 

She shrugged, "the blanket's warm -" 

"I mean with me?" he asked curious.

Kathryn stared at him, a memory from ages ago it seemed tugged at her. She reached out gently touching his temple, as if something should be there. She couldn't figure out what, so she ignored it. She sighed, “I've never been more comfortable in my life.” 

=/\=

Chakotay and the Doctor entered astrometrics, Neelix was there running schematics on the ship and the seemingly impenetrable shield-grid, which surrounded the planet. "What have you got?” he asked walking up to the station.

Neelix turned to them, "I spoke with eight vessels which left Quarra in the last two weeks. Apparently there’s a severe shortage in their workforce here. I was offered positions. There's lots of competition out there for worker's here.”

Chakotay thought for a moment, "are there still position's open?"

"I could make some inquiries," Neelix replied. "Why?" 

"Because you and I," he replied, "are going to get jobs." 

"We should take my ship," Neelix suggested. "It won't be recognized."

"Good idea," Chakotay agreed.

"You forget Commander," the Doctor added, "that you've spoken with lots of officials. There's a chance you'd be recognized."

"I didn't forget," Chakotay told him and thought of a solution. He looked at the Doctor, "your specialty is also reconstructive surgery, right?” 

"Yes," the Doctor said and read the commander's expression. He smiled with a nod understanding. 

Within the next few hours, Neelix had obtained a docking permit for his ship and informed Chakotay they'd be gainfully employed by morning. 

The Doctor used the dermal regenerator altering Chakotay's forehead and hiding the tattoo. He also placed a subdermal transponder in each of their palms so they could contact the ship and it would allow them to be beamed through the shield-grid if necessary.

Of course, the Doctor and Harry began arguing who was in charge while he was gone. At this moment, he was too preoccupied with finding Kathryn and didn't want to worry about this detail. As he left sickbay with Neelix, he told them to work it out. 

=/\=

When they left Voyager in Neelix's small ship, Chakotay was quiet. Neelix observed him, he could see the worry in the commander’s face. After seven year’s of traveling with these people, he knew them all well and could read them. He knew Chakotay had been in-love with the Captain for year's and was more than thrilled than ever when he finally proposed to her at Tom and B'Elanna's wedding reception. 

Of course, he was pleased when she accepted after his heartfelt speech regarding her concern with protocol and fraternization with subordinates. It was a happy time on board, with two weddings in two months. The command team acted as they usually did during duty shifts, with complete professionalism. Off duty, they were newlyweds. Neelix rarely saw either knowing they were spending time together in their quarters, most likely making up for lost time.

He respected each of them tremendously and occasionally on their days off, had breakfast sent to them through their replicator. 

Kathryn thanked him one afternoon during lunch in the mess hall. He told her he was more than happy to provide a nice meal for them. They deserved it with all that they did to keep everyone safe and the ship plotted for home. 

Now he could see in Chakotay's face if they were even going to get her back. He was worried himself, since he had grown so close to them over the years. But now, Chakotay also had his own personal reasons. The woman he was in love with was somewhere down there, waiting to come home.

He sighed, "everyone is probably wondering where we are.”

Chakotay glanced at him, he nodded, "probably."

“We'll find her," he told him. 

"I know," he said. "I know -" and let it stay there. 

"She won't forget you," Neelix reassured him. "How can she?”

Chakotay shrugged, he didn't want to talk much. He placed his hands on his hips, “Neelix just get us there, please."

He nodded, "yes, sir." They were quiet the rest of the way. 

=/\=

When the ship docked at its required location, Neelix and Chakotay left through an airlock since his ship wasn't equipped with transporters. They were brought to the processing section for new workers. Both were separated to tell their qualifications and assignments given. They were then sent to the infirmary for a medical check-up and any inoculations they might need. 

That's where they met up again several hours later, when both were left alone waiting for some test results. Neelix slid off the table walking over to him.

"Looks like we'll be here for the night," he told him quietly. 

Chakotay nodded, ''they sure have a lot of tests. What assignment were you given?"

"The Primary Fusion Chamber," Neelix replied. "You?"

"Thermeotic Reactor Room," he said.

"Hopefully the captain will be there,” Neelix said.

"Hopefully," Chakotay agreed. 

Neelix saw a doctor return, he left Chakotay's side and returned to his own biobed. Chakotay tried not to show how anxious he was in wanting to find Kathryn and the rest of the crew. His biolevels would show a change if he did so, and he didn't want to be detained any longer than he had to be. So he remained calm and focused.

They were given small private rooms that night while the final processing took place and given a hot meal. They were also allowed to sit and talk in a nearby lounge where they would access information on their assignments, where their apartments were located and recreational spots. But there was no information on workers in the database. 

“If the food is this good," Neelix commented sitting at the dining table located in the center. “I think we'll have trouble getting the crew back.” 

Chakotay stared at him between bitefuls, a smile formed, "Neelix you just insulted your own cooking -" 

“-I know,” he said with a slight grin. "But I can't help but be jealous -" Chakotay then began to chuckle, Neelix did as well. It was good to hear the commander laugh again, even for a brief moment before they went to look for the rest of the crew.

Once they figured they had enough knowledge to pass where their assignments were, they said goodnight. Chakotay told him to get a good rest, work would come early. 

The next morning, after another hot breakfast, they were given their identification, work assignment orders, directions on how to get there and who to report to. Both stepped outside into the main courtyard gazing around the huge plant and facility. Workers walked by, above and around them at all levels. They all looked happy as they went to work.

"There's thousands of people here," Neelix said in awe.

Chakotay nodded, “hundreds.'' He gazed around, ''we'd better get going, we don't want to be late for our first day.”

"There's a bar just off the," Neelix said, "Central Power Facility. I suggest we meet there when the day ends." 

“Agreed,” Chakotay said with a nod. He saw an accessway that led to his destination. “I’ll see you tonight, collect all the information you can," he headed towards the stairs that would take him down to the next level. Neelix found his and walked across the large access bridge to the other side of the plant. 

=/\=

When Chakotay found the entrance to the Thermeotic Reactor Room, he entered walking down the narrow, metal catwalk and met up with a supervisor who took his assignment orders, checked him in and led him down to the reactor room.

Immediately, Chakotay spotted two crewmembers, he listened with one ear to the supervisor. He thought he saw Seven briefly above talking with someone. 

As he was shown his station, Tuvok's old, he spotted Kathryn further inside the room working. Once he the supervisor convinced he understood his job, he walked down to Kathryn’s station. He approached her, taking notice of her hair loose around her shoulders and the revealing blue leather uniform she wore. He knew his wife and captain wouldn't wear clothing that revealed too much of her bosom, only in private. Kathryn might, but not in public.

“Kathryn,” he said softly standing beside her station. ''It's me. Chakotay.'' 

She straightened from what she was doing, she looked at him, not recognizing him or his name. She frowned, "I beg your pardon?" 

He stared at her realizing she didn't recognize him. He also noted on her hand that her wedding ring was gone. She had no idea she was married and to him. He decided to play along, there was no use in alarming her, especially since she didn't know him. "I'm new here. I was told to talk to you," and she smirked rolling her eyes upward. "I'm Chakotay, my friends call me that. But my given name is Amal'Catay."

She sighed, "well, whatever your name is, I'll do what I can. How can I help you?"

"Nothing right now," he replied, she looked confused. "I just wanted to introduce myself to you."

"What's your name again?” she asked curious.

"Chakotay," he replied, "but my file name lists me as, Amal'Catay." 

She shrugged with a smile, "well, a pleasure to meet you. I'll help you anyway I can.” He nodded, a soft smile forming at her openness, her eyes danced with pleasure. She was obviously happy here, she leaned towards him whispering softly, "now let's get back to work before the efficiency monitor catches us fraternizing." 

He nodded, "good idea," he smiled at her and then walked back to his station. He turned briefly to look at her, she was back at work. He did the same. 

Throughout the rest of the day as he worked he spotted more of the crew, but kept his eye on Kathryn. When their room broke for lunch, she went with another man and looked content. He learned the man's name was Jaffen, a Norvalan, he had been working on Quarra for over two year's now. 

When the day was finished, he left with the rest and went to find Neelix. As he walked upstairs to the catwalk, he glanced back looking for Kathryn. She was still working, but he noticed Jaffen walking up to her. 

=/\= 

He found the bar Neelix described outside the main entrance. When he entered, he found Neelix by the bar talking to Tom. Neelix spotted him as he walked up, he smiled cheerfully, ah Tom, meet my friend. Amal'Catay."

Tom looked at Chakotay, again no recognition, "a pleasure. Can I get you anything?"

Chakotay glanced down at Neelix’s drink. "I'll have what he's having,” Tom nodded, turned and moved away to make the drink. They turned away from Tom, he asked softly, “what have you found out?" 

"I'm with Mulcahey and Celeste," he replied. "They didn't recognize me either. You know what's odd? It's like they've been programmed to be happy here – ”

“-I noticed," he agreed. 

Neelix nodded, "for instance Tom. He got his name right, but told me he hated space travel." 

He sighed, "I have a feeling they won't come willingly." At that moment, he didn’t see Kathryn and Jaffen enter the bar. She walked by them, he saw her but didn't say anything. Neelix looked into his eyes seeing a sense of distress and sadness.

Kathryn saw him, she stopped turning, "oh, hi. How was your first day?”

He stared at her, "it was okay."

She smiled with a nod, "good. Well, would you like to join us? You and your friend here?" 

"That would be nice -" he replied. 

“-Excuse me," Jaffen said putting his hand on Kathryn's arm. She glanced at him, Chakotay noticed it was his way of claiming her as his. This was obviously more than a friendship, "but I was hoping we'd eat alone tonight. I have something to discuss, with you.”

Kathryn looked confused, she stared at Jaffen, then back at Chakotay. "Perhaps some other time?"

Chakotay nodded, "perhaps another time," and Jaffen pulled Kathryn away from them leading her over to a table. She glanced briefly back at him, he looked away. Neelix tapped his arm, he looked at him and saw where he was indicating. B'Elanna had entered the bar, she was standing and gazing around, then turned to leave. Once she was out the door, he indicated to Neelix to follow her. "Follow her, stay close. I'll work my around,” Neelix nodded and he saw an alleyway on the opposite side, he walked quickly down it, he could see B'Elanna’s shadow as she approached that corner. He stepped out and purposely walked into her, she gasped almost falling, and he gently steadied her. "I'm sorry -" 

She was flustered, "watch where you're going." 

He saw Neelix close behind, "excuse me, but I believe we know each other," he told her. 

B'Elanna was afraid, she could see the funny looking alien behind her and this taller, bigger one right beside her. It was dark and a light nearby illuminated the area. Her heart fluttered harder, she wanted to get away from these two.

She shook her head, "no, I don't think we do –” 

“-B'Elanna, right?”

“Yes, how'd you know - ?" and gasped when she felt the smaller aliens arms wrapped around her tightly. She cried out fighting, "let go of me! Security!" 

“Neelix now!" Chakotay told him, she was alerting the nearby guards they passed. 

“Neelix to Kim," he said holding the pregnant Klingon who fought against him. B’Elanna was stronger than he thought, he held her tighter. "Two to beam up now!"

"Help me!” she screamed and they shimmered out of sight.

Chakotay heard the guards, they appeared out of the shadows with phasers aimed, he then began running the other way. "Chakotay to Kim! One to beam up!"

“I’m sorry, sir,” Harry replied, there was noise in the background. "But we're under attack! We're going to have to leave the system –”

"Acknowledged," he said finding an accessway of stairs. Then began to climb them, “Notify me when your able, I’ll find cover until then -" phaser fire rang out singing him. He continued to climb, a guard was close by. Another shot rang out, this time hitting him in the upper left arm, he groaned ignoring the pain climbed higher. He reached the end and stopped knowing he was cornered. He glanced around over the railing, it was too far to jump, and he’d never survive the fall. He checked to see if there was a forcefield for safety. There was. Glancing around, he found the conduit and broke it disengaging the forcefield. He saw a small alcove and pressed himself inside hiding, he winced at the pressure against his phaser wound, the pain was slight now, but he knew it'd probably get worse.

The guard appeared on the level looking around. He looked over the railing realizing the forcefield was gone and alerted another. Chakotay saw a small object, lifted it up and when the guard’s back was turned, he lunged out hitting the guard knocking him unconscious. The guard's phaser slid to the edge, he gasped and reached over picking it up. The other guard showed up, he fired it knocking him out. An alert had been sounded, it was obvious that many in the area had known of B'Elanna's disappearance by now. He had to find a way to get out of the area, he was able to make his way down to ground level and dodging in the shadow's heading back to the bar.

The pain was slightly worse, he entered the bar, and no one seemed to notice. He spotted an empty table in the back and off to the side, he walked over and sat down, that's when he reached up touching the wound. He checked finding his finger's covered with blood. He winced again and didn't see Kathryn approach. 

"I came to apologize for Jaffen," she said. 

Chakotay looked up finding Kathryn smiling at him, "excuse me?" he asked slightly breathless from the pain and fight. 

“I came to apologize for Jaffen," she repeated. "But we're done discussing what he wanted. You’re welcome to join us now." He stared at her, she noticed he looked slightly pale. "Are you okay?" she asked concerned.

"I'm ... fine," he replied, "it was just a long day.”

She sighed, "oh, I'm familiar with that. Well, you’re still welcome to join us."

“Thanks," he said with a nod. "But I'm thinking of going home," and realized he never bothered to find out where his apartment was located.

She nodded beginning to turn away, "well, if you change your mind. We're celebrating.” 

"Celebrating?" he said curious. "Why?" 

She smiled at him, a full one. The one that he had loved on her when she was truly happy. “I’ve decided to move in with Jaffen," and his heart lurched. His wife was moving in with another man, obviously this relationship was serious, more than he thought. She was serious about Jaffen, perhaps in love. How would she react to when he'd finally got her back to Voyager and she’d find out they were actually married? He knew he'd have to figure that out when the time came. 

"Congratulations," he said, trying to sound happy for her.

"Well, excuse me," she said turning and walked away.

He sat watching her sit with Jaffen across the room. He needed a place to hide until Harry returned and determined her apartment would be available now. He decided to wait when they left so he could follow them to find out to where she lived. 

As luck would have it, Kathryn and Jaffen stood up to leave less than a half-hour later. When they walked out of the bar, he stood up to follow them. 

He observed them, Jaffen had his arm around her protectively, they obviously had heard of B'Elanna's disappearance. He followed them at a distance, he heard her quiet laughter. How he missed her. He missed her laughter during their quiet times together, lunch and dinner's and even when they made playful love. Their passion and love for each other also held a lighter side. They spent many late nights these past five months laughing in bed over stories they told each other. He wanted that back, more now than ever since seeing her with Jaffen. 

They finally entered a building, he saw them enter a lift and heard her say, "16th floor,” and the doors slid closed. He managed to get into the other one and get to the same floor as he watched them disappear around a corner down the corridor. 

He hid in a doorway alcove when he saw them stop outside her door. Both went inside, he hoped just to pack. The pain in his arm was worse, but he forced it back. He sank down onto the floor holding his arm, the wound was still bleeding some. 

Several minutes later he heard her door opening, they were talking and laughing some. They emerged carrying at least two crates of her belongings. One they were gone, he realized her door didn't close all the way, if he was going to hide in her apartment, now was the time. He wasn't sure when she'd be back, but expected it'd be soon. 

He slowly stood up and headed down to her door, he found it slightly ajar. He quietly pushed it open and entered closing it gently. She'd think it'd shut on its own if he were lucky.

=/\=

Once inside, the apartment was dark. He could see her clothing and other effects scattered around the apartment. She had a nice view from this floor, the lights twinkled in the plant and the city against the night sky. 

He walked over to some clothing folded next to an open crate. Finding a soft, white shirt, he picked it up and put it to the wound. He winced when he applied pressure to it, he sat down in a chair holding the shirt to his arm. 

As he sat, he thought of how B'Elanna was doing and if the Doctor had found a way to treat her memory loss. He was confident enough that the Doctor would find a treatment for B'Elanna and the rest of the crew.

And he was also concerned of Kathryn's affair. He knew she didn't know she was captain of a starship and married. That was a reason enough to forgive her for, but when she returned to Voyager, would she be able to forgive herself? And him for taking her away from this life that she had here on Quarra? Or, would the guilt of this affair hurt their marriage. He hoped not, he’d help her understand and would let her know he wasn't angry, but would she accept it? He’d have to wait and see. 

Suddenly he heard her door opening, he grabbed the phaser dropping the shirt. It was either her or Jaffen, maybe both. He quickly moved over to the other side of the room sinking down to the floor waiting. 

She walked in going directly to the pile of clothes he was just sitting beside. As she arranged them, she came across the bloody white shirt. She stopped for a moment in shock, she knew she wasn't alone.

"Computer," she said softly keeping her fear at bay. "Lights," and they slowly rose. She heard a noise, she slowly turned and gasped in shock finding Amal'Catay sitting on her floor opposite her holding a phaser at her. 

Chakotay stared at her, he could tell she wasn't scared, not yet. He hoped to win her in his favor now that they were alone. "I won't hurt you," he told her gently. He started to rise slowly, he winced again, "but I needed a place to stay for awhile. I heard your place was available.” He walked over to her door and closed it quietly with his foot, then used the phaser to draw it down the manual light panel. They lowered slowly, she stood stock-still staring at him.

"Jaffen will come looking for me," she said watching him walk over to her steps that led up to her bedroom. "If I'm gone too long." 

Chakotay sank down onto the steps, he breathed with the pain, "I hope you won't tell him I'm here.”

Kathryn studied the man holding her at phaser point. Although the room was dark, she could tell he'd been wounded and in pain. She had a suspicion of why he was wounded, "did you have something to do with the disappearance of that young woman?"

He studied her, and then said, “yes. She's a member of my crew that was abducted and brought here against her will. There are others from my crew here I'm also trying to rescue.” He paused with a sigh, "I need you to trust me.” 

Kathryn tilted her head in question, "you're pointing a weapon at me," she said softly, her husky tone heard.

He nodded and slowly dropped it to the next step, then leaned back sighing in pain. "Go ahead, report me. If you do, lots of innocent people will suffer. I'm just asking for a place to stay until my friends can come back for me." 

Kathryn stood looking at him, he wasn't making any sudden moves on her. But he was also wounded and in pain, that didn’t mean he still wouldn't attempt anything with her. Although she still found that hard to believe from this large man. He was displaying a gentleness that she could tell in his posture to her. Perhaps he was telling the truth, “we’ve got to treat that wound," she said firmly and approached him somewhat cautiously.

Chakotay sat as she approached him carefully and sat on a step above him. She had him remove his hand and she peered into the burnt fabric of his worker uniform looking carefully and gently at the wound. “Thank you," he said. 

She lifted her head gazing him, she sighed, "I'm going to need a dermal regenerator to heal this, but it's still bleeding. You might need a doctor -" 

“- The regenerator will be fine," he told her. 

“I don't have one here," she said, "and I know Jaffen doesn't as well. The only one I know of is in the medical locker of the reactor room. I'm going to have to go there to get it. I'd hate to leave it that long -" 

“-It's been this way for almost two hours," he told her. "I think I can wait a little longer.” 

She nodded, "okay, I'll be back in a few minutes," she stood up. 

Her comm chirped, "Jaffen to Kathryn.” 

She stood quietly, and then glanced down at Chakotay, he stared at her. She smiled softly at him, "yes, Jaffen?"

“Do you need any help?" he asked her. "You've been gone for quite awhile. You don't have that much more stuff, do you?" 

She sighed, "actually, I just found another ... stack of things I need to pack. I'll be a few more minutes. Don't worry." 

"Call if you need help." 

“I will,” she replied. “Janeway out." She looked back at Chakotay, "I'll be right back. I don't want him calling again." 

He studied her, and then nodded, "understood." She sighed and stepped down heading towards the door. "I'm not going anywhere.” 

Kathryn stopped and turned back looking at him, she then shook the feeling away of knowing him or someone like him at one time before. But she couldn't remember exactly when or where. Removing the thought, she walked out heading to a lift that would take her to the ground level.

Less than a half-hour later, she returned with a regenerator. "The efficiency monitor," she told him, "detained me. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay," he replied.

“Stand up,” she ordered, unknowingly using her command tone. He nodded and stood up, she took his arm leading him over to a padded bench. "I need you to sit on the floor, you're too tall for me." 

Chakotay nodded and sank down on his knees, his wounded shoulder angled towards her. She sat down on the edge of the bench and turned on the dermal regenerator. She gently began to work on the wound, he watched her. At that moment, unbeknownst to her, was his wife sitting before him. Although the room was dark, but illuminated by the lights outside, she was beautiful with her hair surrounding her and dressed in the gray soft sweater and knit pants.

He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, make love to her. But he couldn't, he knew if she made any advances like that, she'd bolt for sure. He couldn't take that chance, he needed her help to get the crew back. 

Kathryn studied the wound, it was deeper in one area, although the regenerator was stopping the blood, and it wasn’t going to close cleanly. She bit her lip and sighed, “you need a doctor –” 

He stared at her, "it'll have to wait until I'm back on Voyager."

"Voyager?" she said. 

"Our -" he replied, and then stopped. "A ship, my home for the past seven years.”

She wasn't looking at him, "don't you ever want to stay in one place?"

Chakotay smiled amused at her question, he loved her sense of humor, although at this moment, she was being serious. It was just amusing to hear her ask, “you seem happy here.”

She shrugged, "I have a good job."

He then decided to tell her she was capable of so much more. Her new job was nothing to commanding a starship, especially one that was lost on the other side of the galaxy. “You monitor reactor coils. You’re obviously a very capable woman, you could run this plant."

"Why would I," she asked, the wound was almost closed. “Want that type of responsibility?" 

He was about to answer when he heard the transponder in his palm chirp. Kathryn glanced up in shock at the noise. She turned off the regenerator.

"What's that?" she asked suspicious. 

He caught her eyes, "it's my friends trying to contact me." He lifted the hand with the transponder implanted and turned his palm inward. "Chakotay here. Go ahead Harry."

"Commander," he said, “are you alright?” 

"For the time being," he said. Kathryn stared at him. "Where are you?” 

"Eight light year’s away –”

"-How are you transmitting that far away?” he asked. 

"We're transmitting," the Doctor replied, “on a triaxelating frequency on a covariant subspace band." 

Chakotay was impressed, they obviously had settled their differences and were working together again. "Understood. How's B’Elanna?" 

"Responding well to treatment," the Doctor replied. “Have you located any others?”

Chakotay stared at Kathryn, he had no choice, and he had to say who she was. He sighed, “in fact, I'm sitting with Captain Janeway right now -" she pulled back from him at the mention of a rank with her name.

"How is she?”

"Suspicious," he replied, "just like B'Elanna. How soon for transporter range?”

"At least a couple of days," Harry replied. "To finish repairs. Have you figured out how to disable the shield-grid?” 

"I have an idea,” he said, he was watching Kathryn, she had stood up further away from him. "I want us to remain comm silent so we won't be detected. I'll contact you when necessary.”

"Aye, sir,” Harry said. “Voyager out.” 

Kathryn stared at him, she tried to keep calm. who was this man? He called her 'captain'? Captain of what? "Why did you call me captain?" she asked, her voice shuddered.

Chakotay stared up at her, his arm felt better. "Because that's who you are,” he replied firmly. 

"Are you saying I was brought here by force," she asked angrily, “and my memories manipulated?" He didn't answer her, she shook her head, "I don't believe you.”

"I know it sounds strange," he said, she was getting hysterical.

She glared at him, "I was wrong to trust you -" she turned and headed for the door.

Chakotay had one last shot before she walked out on him and reported him to security. He stood up, "listen to me." She stopped by the door, and then turned back to him. “There are more than 100 voyager crewmember's working at this plant." Then added firmly, “your crew.” She stared at him, at least she wasn't moving, and he slowly walked towards her. “When my ship arrives, I'll be able to prove it." He stopped in front of her, "I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do." He wanted to tell her they were also married, but figured it wasn’t the best time. 

She still didn’t move, he took another chance, "don't you even want to know the truth? Let me prove it to you. Hand me that dermal regenerator.” 

Kathryn stood staring into his dark eyes, his words seemed so unbelievable. But, what if? He seemed to know to know her so well. She lifted her hand with the regenerator, he took it from her and walked away to the other side of the room. She had an oval floor-length mirror there. Curious, she followed him and stood behind him watching his reflection as he turned on the regenerator and slowly watched the forehead creases disappear revealing a smooth forehead like her own, an extremely handsome man and ... that tattoo she saw in her dreams. Her breath caught, "we're the same race."

Chakotay turned to her, "we're more than that…”

Kathryn's memory was fogged, she could see this man with her in a haze. She remembered touching that tattoo, his face above hers, a kiss of passion.

“... We’re friends," he finished in her thoughts. She stared up at him, wanting to refuse to believe she had been intimate with this man. But these dreams were now starting to make sense, she saw faces and that face with the tattoo was him. "Kathryn, I know you don't remember me, they took that away from you. I’m your best friend -" I'm also your husband, he said to himself. “Please, trust me. I’m not lying to you. You've never doubted me in the past.”

Kathryn stood frozen, she wanted to now touch that tattoo, but didn't. She felt she could trust him, he had to telling the truth. But she sensed he was also keeping something from her, she was unsure of what. "I ... have to tell Jaffen -"

"You can't do that," he said worried. 

"Why not?" 

"I don’t know if I could trust him," he replied.

“I trust him," she said, he shook his head. She absently reached out touching his arm, a shock of recognition went though her. She gasped but kept her voice firm, "if you're telling the truth, I’ll need - you'll need his help. Two are better than one.”

Chakotay stared at her, his fingertips were still on his arm, and he wanted to take her hand in his. At least she now she was beginning to trust him, hopefully recognizing would follow soon after. He debated if he could trust Jaffen, but he knew Kathryn and the captain within her. When she felt she could trust someone in the past, she was hardly wrong, except for Rudy Ransom. He decided it might help to have Jaffen also on their side, her lover. God, he hated the thought of that.

“Fine,” he said with a slight nod. "Just Jaffen," he hoped he wasn't wrong. 

Kathryn nodded, she hoped she could convince Jaffen of this unbelievable story. She still had to believe most of it herself. "Just Jaffen. I'll be right back with him. Wait here," she turned to leave. 

He reached out grabbing her arm gently, "Kathryn -" she gazed back at him. "We've got two days at most. Don't wait too long -"

She glanced down at his hand, her heart thudded in her chest. She nodded, "I'll be a few minutes, he might take more to convince." She disengaged herself from him and walked out quickly, but surely.

Chakotay watched the door close behind her. He hoped he did the right thing by allowing her to get Jaffen involved. But he had to tell her her real identity. He stood gazing out the window, he knew she had to remember something of their life together. The look on her face was of recognition, she remembered and that frightened her somewhat. 

Time had passed, he estimated close to a half-hour and she still hadn't returned. He hoped nothing had happened, or it was taking her extra time to convince Jaffen to help. Walking over to the other side of the room he began to pace nervously, "where are you Kathryn? Come on.”

Several more minutes passed when he heard the door start to open, he turned, "oh thank god I thought-" and stopped seeing a security crew. He went to grab the phaser, but the head security guard pulled out his faster and fired. Chakotay felt the beam hit him full in the chest. He grunted and felt his mind go black as he fell to the floor unconscious. 

Chakotay woke with a start and a headache, but he found he couldn't lift his shoulders. He groaned gazing around finding himself restrained to an infirmary gurney.

"Goodmorning," a voice said. 

Chakotay looked over finding the man that shot him sitting beside him, "where am I?” he asked still hazy. 

"Plant infirmary," the man replied. 

"What time is it?" he asked. 

"It's an hour before the new work day," the man said. 

Chakotay thought that meant it was after 0700 hours. He had been unconscious most of the night. Kathryn or Jaffen had given him away to security. He sighed, "who are you?” 

"Inspector Gared," the man replied. "I have a few questions for you." 

Chakotay stared at the ceiling, “I have nothing to say." 

"Really?” Gared asked him curious. He pulled out a padd, a picture of B'Elanna was shown on it. "Do you know this woman?" 

"No," Chakotay replied. 

Gared stared at him, he touched the next one, and it was Kathryn. "What about her?” 

"I work with her," he replied. 

"What's her name?" 

Chakotay shrugged, "I just met her yesterday. Kathryn-something." 

"You don't know her?" 

"I just said I don't," he replied. 

Gared nodded pulling the padd away, he touched it a few times. Then held it in front of him again, "how about this one?" 

Chakotay saw his alter ego staring back at him, "that's not me." 

"What do you know of that worker's disappearance?" Gared asked him. Chakotay didn't respond. He sighed, "true, you don't fit the witness description of who abducted this worker -" 

A female doctor was standing beside the bed, "I've detected some sort of device in his hand." 

"What type of device?" Gared asked. 

The doctor held the scanner over Chakotay's left hand. "Communication I believe." 

"Extract it," Gared ordered. He leaned closer, "proof of a dermal regenerator will show if you used one." 

Chakotay fought his response, "listen we both have something in common." 

"Do we?" Gared asked. 

"Yes, we're both investigating," Chakotay replied, "disappearances. I'll answer your questions if you answer mine." 

Gared was about to respond when they saw three men enter the exam area. "Excuse me, we have orders to transfer this patient to Division Six for treatment," the middle one said. 

Chakotay gazed, at them, "Division Six?" Gared said confused. He thought, and then looked at the doctor, "isn't that Neural pathology?" 

"Yes, it is," she replied. 

"Why?” Gared asked. 

"We have reason to believe," the man replied, "he's suffering from Dysphoria Syndrome." 

Chakotay knew this is what happened to Kathryn and the crew. He couldn't be taken there. If that happened, all would be lost. He tried to remain calm, he looked to Gared. "How could they know that? I've never been treated by them before.” 

Gared looked at him, and then back at the man, "I'll go with you.” 

"That's impossible," the man said. "I have strict orders to transfer the patient for immediate treatment." 

"I don't care," Gared said, "this man is a suspect in a serious crime. I'm not letting him out of my sight."

"The order's have been approved," the man said handing a padd over to him. "By the director of investigations himself." 

Chakotay watched Gared take it and read it, and then he realized they'd lost. Gared nodded with a sigh, he felt the gurney begin to move. It was now or never, "listen to me. I’m Commander Chakotay of the starship Voyager! I’m investigating the disappearance of my crew!” He was being pulled further away from Gared, "listen to me!" But Gared did nothing and he was pulled down the corridor and into a private lift. Once inside, he gazed at the men, “who are you?” 

"We work for Division Six," the man replied. "It'd be best if you cooperated Commander. It'll make the process go much smoother.”

"You’re the ones who brainwashed my crew," Chakotay said. "You took my wife away from me." 

"Who's your wife?" the man asked curious. Chakotay didn't respond, the man nodded, "that’s okay, we'll find out all we need to know eventually."

"What are you going to do?"

The lift stopped smoothly and the doors slid quietly open, "your suffering from Dysphoria Syndrome Commander."

"No I'm not," Chakotay said angrily. He was pulled out and down a corridor. Then into a treatment room with several beds. He was brought over to the center one that had a cranial attachment located on it. The gurney was pulled alongside it, before his restraints were removed, one put a hypo to his neck. "What are you giving me?"

"Just something to help you relax," the man said.

Chakotay fought as best as he could, they held his head still and he felt the hypo inject the drug. Whatever it was, it took immediate effect, he felt his limbs go weak and mind turn hazy. He groaned, a moment later he felt the restraints being removed, but he was in no condition to fight. They moved him onto the other bed and then restrained him again from the chest down. 

Another man appeared beside the table, "who is he?" 

"Claims he's Commander Chakotay from Voyager," the man replied. 

The new man stepped closer to Chakotay gazing at him, "well, I've been expecting you Commander. Your wife has told me wonderful things about you.”

"-Kathryn," he whispered gazing fiercely into the man's eyes. “What'd you do to her?"

The man smiled, "I gave her a new life just like I'm going to give you. After you tell me where Voyager is." 

"Never!" Chakotay hissed. He felt his left hand being lifted. "What are you doing?" 

"Removing your communications device," the man replied. He was handed the small beacon a second later. He eyed it, "amazing thing technology is, isn't it?" 

Chakotay felt another drug being injected, "what's that?" 

“Just something to help you talk," the man replied. He leaned closer, "now Commander, where is Voyager?" 

As much as he tried to fight it, he ended up contacting Harry and the Doctor who willingly responded and accepted the coordinates. Once that was done, he was sedated and felt his mind go black. 

=/\=

Meanwhile as Chakotay was being interrogated and taken to Division Six, Gared had visited Kathryn and Jaffen that early morning. He found them awake, Kathryn spoke to him about her encounter with Chakotay, but could still barely remember anything of Voyager. Gared got her to agree to visit the bar where more former crewmembers waited for him, since he had spoken to an Annika Hansen earlier the day before.

The table discussion was unanimous, they had to find out if Chakotay was telling the truth. Kathryn agreed to go back to the reactor room in attempt to disable the shield grid and contact Voyager. Annika would fake a relapse and be brought back to Division Six to rescue both Tuvok and Chakotay, if it wasn't too late. 

Jaffen went with Kathryn, it was early morning and nobody had reported to work yet. In the shadows, they got to the supervisor's office and Jaffen helped her break in to call Voyager on a subspace channel. 

Once Voyager had been contacted, she came out looking for Jaffen, he wasn't around. She headed down the main catwalk and found herself surrounded by approaching guards. The only way was down, she looked over the railing estimating it at least a 20-foot drop. 

The alarms had been sounded, she had to jump, and an old lesson came back to her. Drop, tuck and roll, she told herself. She lifted herself over the railing as the guards neared, one fired a phaser and she jumped. As she landed, she felt her ankle twist beneath her, she cried out softly and proceeded to tuck and roll. Jaffen appeared beside her, she gave a sigh of relief. 

"Thought I left you?" Jaffen asked her. 

"I knew I could trust you," she replied and they moved over to a main monitoring station to figure out how to shut down the shield grid. There was chaos surrounding them, but the lights still hadn't come up. She ignored the pain in her ankle as she tried to figure out how to bring down the grid. She realized a core overload would bring it down, at least convincing the computer of that. She managed to trick the computer and the bigger alarms began to sound, she turned to Jaffen, and then felt different as a tingling sensation took over her body. She reached out to him, he faded from view. "Jaffen?" and found herself sitting in a large cargo bay with over a 100 other workers. 

=/\=

Once the crew was beamed back to the ship and into Cargo Bay One, confusion was abound. The Doctor stood ready with plenty of hypos for the first treatment. Many shouted in confusion, "what's going on!" and "Where are we?" 

B'Elanna searched the room, she found Chakotay's sedated form nearby, and she ran over with the Doctor who scanned him, "is he okay?" she asked. 

"He's fine," the Doctor said. "Just asleep." 

Suddenly they heard above the noise, "Jaffen! Jaffen!" It was the captain, she was priority now. 

“Wake him," B'Elanna ordered, she found Tom wandering nearby, and she wanted to go to him. "The captain needs him." 

"Doing it," the Doctor said, he injected a stimulant into Chakotay, 

A moment later Chakotay opened his eyes, he groaned recognizing the cargo bay, "what? How?" 

"You’re back on Voyager," the Doctor told him. Chakotay began to sit up, "the captain managed to disable the shield grid. We've got everyone back."

Chakotay nodded rubbing his face, "excellent work Doctor." He heard Kathryn's cry for Jaffen. "Where is she?" 

"In back," B'Elanna said. "Can you handle it -?" 

"Go," Chakotay told her, he pulled himself to his feet. "I'll take care of her," B'Elanna moved off to find Tom. "Come on Doctor," he wove his way through the confusion and found Kathryn clinging to a container looking very confused. She was standing with Seven and Wildman. "Kathryn?” 

She turned seeing Amal'Catay approaching her, "you! Where am I?" A sob escaped her, "where's Jaffen?" 

"Kathryn," he said gently taking her arm. "It's me, Chakotay." 

"I don't ... remember you," she whimpered. 

The Doctor put the hypo to her neck and administered the treatment. "Give it a few minutes," he said softly, Kathryn looked at him. "Welcome back, Captain." 

"Oh god, it's true!" she cried and then cried out feeling the pain in her ankle. She reached down to touch it and collapsed. Chakotay knelt beside her, "it hurts!”

"What does Kathryn?" Chakotay asked her gently. 

"My ankle," she replied. 

The Doctor scanned her foot, he sighed, "it's just a slight sprain." He administered a drug. "There you go, it'll be okay in a few minutes. She'll be okay shortly Commander. If you'll excuse me?" 

"Yes, go," Chakotay said, the Doctor stood up going to the next crewmember. He sat with Kathryn, as she was quiet gazing around the cargo bay. He stared at her waiting for the treatment to take effect. She pulled her legs to her chest curling up beside him, he placed his hand on her shoulder, and he sighed wanting to contact the bridge to find out how Harry was doing. He saw Neelix nearby, "Neelix!" 

Neelix saw them, he headed over, "yes Commander?" 

"Your commbadge," he ordered. Neelix nodded, pulled it off handing it to him, he activated it. "Chakotay to Kim. Status?" 

"They've halted the attacks, commander," Harry replied. “And we’re being hailed by the officials on Quarra. I need you up here.”

Kathryn saw Neelix, the fog slowly cleared and she knew him. She looked over at the rest of the crew, the room was starting to quiet down. She recognized Wildman, Tom and Tuvok, who was conscious. She then looked beside her seeing Chakotay, her first officer and her husband? Suddenly her affair and time spent on Quarra came rushing back. She put her hand to her mouth in shock, "Chakotay?" she asked in a choked sob.

He gazed down at her, she was coming back, tears formed in her eyes. "Welcome home, Kathryn."

"Oh god!" she said in shock.

Chakotay couldn't leave her, not now. He pulled her into his arms holding her gently to him, he sighed. "Harry, this is your mission. Finish up the negotiations," he told him. "I can't be there right now. I'll send up the Doctor and Neelix as soon as possible." 

“Understood, sir," Harry replied. "Bridge out." 

Neelix smiled at his commanding officers, they needed to be alone. "I'll leave you alone and head up to the bridge," he said softly. Chakotay nodded gratefully as he held Kathryn to him. He stroked her hair and back soothingly.

Kathryn stemmed the tears, she slid her arms around him whispering, "I'm so sorry Chakotay –”

“-It's okay, my love," he said tenderly. "I'm happy we got you back.” She looked at him, he took her face in his hands staring at her. "You'll be okay, Kathryn." 

Kathryn stared at Chakotay, his face and touch familiar, yet strange. She wanted to recoil from him still. She reached up putting her hands on his, "Chak-otay, I need some time to remember – everything.”

He nodded, “I know, you'll have plenty of time.” 

It was quiet enough now as the rest of the crew was responding to the treatment. Time had passed, he wasn't sure how long. The Doctor stood in the center of the room, "excuse me everyone.” They quieted looking at him, "I want you all to go to your quarters to familiarize yourselves with the surroundings. Explore the ship, it'll all come back to you either quickly or slowly, depending on you."

“What about duty, Doctor?” Chakotay asked, he slowly stood with Kathryn.

“As soon as they feel their ready," he replied. "If you've still forgotten where your quarters are located, Lieutenant Torres here will point you in the right direction.” Just then several approached B'Elanna and the Doctor. 

Chakotay held Kathryn's hand, "come on Kathryn –”

"-Where?" she asked.

He gazed at her, “our quarters.'' She stared at him, her eyes widened. ''You do remember we're married -?"

“A little,” Kathryn replied hesitantly. She glanced down at her hand, there was no wedding ring. "Please, are you sure?"

Chakotay stared at her, he wasn't worried about her forgetting their marriage. It'd come back to her, it had to. He didn't want her uncomfortable with their living conditions. He smiled gently at her, "yes Kathryn, I'm sure. Don't you remember?"

She stared at him, her eyes flitted around the room, back at Chakotay as she sifted through the new and old memories as they came flooding back. She did remember part of their ceremony, “New Earth? We were -married there?"

“A simulation of it," he told her. "On the holodeck, yes." She nodded, "come on love.” 

They were the last group left, the rest had filtered out of the cargo bay. Only 20 or so remained. Kathryn let herself be led outside, he took her on the direct route as they walked towards the turbo lift. He let her look around, they entered the lift, the doors slid closed. "Captain's Quarter's," he said and the lift rose to Deck Three. It slowly came to a stop, the doors opened. He led her out and down to the first door on the right side. He keyed in their code and entered, she stood still gazing inside. He waited, he knew she was frightened on being alone with him. "Kathryn, it's okay. Come on." 

She stepped inside a moment later, he ordered the lights up and she gazed around the living area. It did look familiar, the fresh flowers he always had for her in the center of the dining table since the day they were married sat in a vase, his sand painting on the wall next to the table, her desk and chair. She walked slowly around touching everything, he watched her. She stopped by the coffee table, a portrait sat. She picked it up, it was their wedding picture. 

She touched it gently beginning to remember more and the guilt of her affair with Jaffen came back twofold. She felt her throat tighten with more tears, she realized she loved both men, what was she going to do? She knew she had to say goodbye to Jaffen, but how could she? 

She glanced up at him, her eyes moist with oncoming tears, “how long?”

Chakotay stared at her, she was remembering. "Almost six months," he replied gently. 

She nodded biting her lip, he turned walking to the replicator, "one coffee,” and a cup appeared on the base. He picked it up and walked over to her, "maybe this will help," he handed the cup.

Kathryn took it, she inhaled the scent, and she remembered her coffee addiction. She gazed at him and smiled softly, he smiled at her. "I do remember this, thank you."

"Your welcome," he said gently, she held the portrait and walked around to the sofa sitting down.

Kathryn began to rock a little wrapping her arms around her, the tears began to fall. “I can't believe this - but, I have to, don't I?"

"It's your life," he replied, "for the past seven years," she nodded biting her lip. His heart went out to her, "Kathryn," he moved to her in attempt to hold her. 

She gasped holding up her hand seeing his attempt, "please don't!" He stopped next to her, she shuddered, "please, not yet." 

Chakotay nodded, he sat beside her taking her hand gently. "It's okay, I understand,” she wiped the tears from her face. He studied her, "can I get you anything Kathryn?"

She sighed in thought, "do I have a photo album?" 

He nodded, "yes, I'll get it." He stood up and walked over to a drawer located behind the table lining the viewports. He opened it and pulled out a large, heavy black spiral bound book. He walked over to her handing it her, she took it, "hopefully this’ll answer any question, you might have." 

"Thank you," she said staring up at him, her tears dried up for now. 

He nodded, knowing she needed a few minutes to reacclimate. The photo album was a good idea. He sighed, "I'm going to shower and change since I'm going to be needed on the bridge. Will you be okay?" 

She nodded beginning to open the album, she didn't look at him. “Yes, I need to do this.”

He smiled recognizing his Kathryn now, "okay. I'll be out in a few minutes,” she nodded again, he walked into the bedroom beginning to remove the Quarra work outfit, happy to finally take it off. 

While Chakotay was in the bathroom, Kathryn turned each page of the album studying each picture taken of herself and the crew, with and without Chakotay at various functions held onboard the past seven years. She remembered her long hair, when she cut it and Chakotay’s surprise when she showed on the bridge that morning. 

She smiled softly at the memory, he asked her later in her Ready Room whatever possessed her to cut her hair. She remembered telling him she needed a change, asked if he liked it. He was honest, but not direct and asked her to let it grow out some, perhaps shoulder length.

The look would take time to get used to. 

So she did and when she started curling it beneath and around her head, he was pleased. He didn't say, but she could tell in his expression. 

Kathryn sighed putting her face in her hands looking at the pictures. It was coming back, but she still couldn't remember that they were married. She looked at her hand, it lacked her wedding ring it was probably taken off her when they erased her memory.

She sighed and finished looking at the album which finished with the most recent, her wedding pictures. She forced the memories of that day into the open, but her recent affair with Jaffen was blocking them. She could still just see Jaffen, even though she could the love she had for Chakotay in her heart. "Oh god," she whispered feeling the tears start. "What do I do?" she wanted to cry so deeply, but knew she never did, not as captain of Voyager. She couldn't allow herself to drop that barrier. It was the only thing that kept her from going crazy in this damn quadrant. She put her face in her hands to stop the tears by pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes. She began to breathe slowly trying to focus. 

A moment later she heard, "Kathryn?" Chakotay was done with his shower. 

Not sure on his dress, she slowly lifted her head, he was dressed in his gray long-sleeved shirt and wore his black trousers and boots. He held his uniform jacket in one hand, "what?" she asked softly.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, she didn't respond. She glanced away, he knew she was in distress over her affair with Jaffen. He sighed "Kathryn, I'm not upset over you and Jaffen. You didn't know."

Kathryn then glared hard at him, she stood up exploding, "damn you! Stop it! Stop talking about Jaffen. This is hard enough as it is!" She trembled, "please, I feel guilty. I feel so damn guilty!"

"Oh Kathryn," he said gently, he walked over to her, she had moved over to the viewports by the dining table. "It's okay -" 

She felt the tears coming, there was no way to stop them. "I love you and I love … him," he stood behind her wanting to comfort her. Her shoulders shook as she fought the tears, "but I have to say goodbye," the tears slid silently down her face. 

"I know," he said gently, "I'm sorry -" 

“-Don’t be," she said amidst her tears shaking her head. "It's their fault -I wish it had been you Chakotay. If they took your memories as well, at least we might have found each other again there. But now, I can barely remember our last five months.” 

"You will," he told her. "Just give it time." 

She didn't respond, the memories sifted through her mind, she had a fleeting thought of them lying in bed late one evening talking. He then leaned down kissing her, she could feel his mouth and a hand on her gently exploring. She gasped pushing the thought away, the idea of him touching her so intimately scared her. 

"It'll take you a few days to settle in," he said. "I’ll hold the bridge until then." 

Kathryn shook her head, "no, it's okay. I just need to get my head in order and I'll be up." 

Chakotay didn't argue with her, he thought this was probably the best thing for her. She always worked her way through her troubles by going to duty. He wasn't sure how much of duty would distract her at the moment. He sighed, "we'll probably be in orbit for a few more hours while the Doctor, Harry and Neelix finish the negotiations. Come up to the bridge when you're ready."

She nodded, "I will."

Chakotay pulled on his uniform jacket, he fastened it. Then taking the chance, he leaned closer to her and tenderly kissed the side of her face. She gasped at his touch, but tried not to pull away. He patted her shoulder gently and pulled away, she still stood with her back to him. He turned and walked out heading to the bridge. 

=/\= 

As Chakotay made his way to the bridge, he spotted some of the crew were back in uniform, although a few looked still disorientated. He smiled at them with a nod, offered each a welcome home and gentle pat on the arm. 

His mind was on Kathryn however. He was worried about her reclamation. And she wouldn't let him touch her, he didn't like that sign. He felt her shock and how she almost pulled away when he just placed a tender kiss on the side of her face. He hoped this would pass. Since their wedding, their touching was a physical connection, especially in private. They'd hold hands, he'd give her a massage after a stressful day and their lovemaking. 

He hoped that part of their relationship wouldn't suffer. It was an important part since the wedding, their intimacy. He found her passionate and aggressive, but an incredible woman with feeling so deep their passion also brought her to tears now and then. His thoughts were interrupted when the lift opened to the bridge. He stepped out, surprised, but knew he shouldn't be, when he found Tuvok already at his station. The Vulcan was performing a routine diagnostic of the ship's systems. 

"Commander," Tuvok said acknowledging him formally.

"Tuvok,” he replied with a nod and stopped beside him. He sighed, "how are you?"

Tuvok looked at him, "I am recovered and pleased to be back. The captain?" 

He sighed, "she'll be fine in a few days. Plans to come up later, but needs a few hours to get her head together." 

"Understandable," Tuvok replied as he stared at the first officer. He also remembered the Captain's affair with Jaffen. He wondered how Chakotay was dealing with it, but surmised he'd work through it. The captain on the other hand, tended to take guilt a little more than he thought necessary. He knew the command team's love for each other was strong enough to overcome this obstacle, he saw that the first seven years. When Chakotay proposed marriage to her at Tom and B'Elanna's reception, he wasn't surprised the commander finally got around to asking. Even someone as himself, who adhered to Starfleet protocol couldn't object to the union. He knew both well enough that they wouldn't let their personal lives interfere with ship's business. He knew the captain wouldn't allow that. 

When they approached him about performing a simple ceremony, he agreed with no argument and offered his blessing. They were surprised when he did, he told them his own logic to their nuptials, and they thanked him. The planning took off from there and the crew was happy.

Now with the recent events that took place on Quarra he logically assumed they would work through this difficulty. He knew if the captain wanted to talk, she'd come to him, his time with her was available.

"I believe she will work everything out, sir," he said to Chakotay. “If she'd like to talk, let her know I'm available." 

Chakotay smiled softly at him, he nodded, “thanks Tuvok and I’ll let her know." He paused, and then sighed, "report?" 

"All ship's systems are running at peak efficiency," he replied. "The Doctor and Ensign Kim did an adequate job on repairs."

"Yes, they did,” he agreed. "I'm going to suggest to the captain that she put commendations in both their files." 

"Something she'd do gladly," Tuvok said. He handed Chakotay two padd’s, "these are the recent crew evaluations from the Doctor and B'Elanna's warp engine diagnostic."

"Thanks," he said taking them. 

"And the Doctor, Ensign Kim and Neelix," Tuvok finished, "are currently in the briefing room finishing up negotiations with two officials from Quarra. They should be done shortly.”

"Fine,” Chakotay said. He then nodded at Tuvok, stepped down to the command level and sat down in his chair beginning to read the Doctor's report.

A little more than an hour later, he was on the engineering report. He had been called into the briefing room to talk with the Quarra officials. After their apology of not realizing Dr. Kaden and his people were abducting people and brainwashing them into their workforce, Chakotay accepted it. He told them he was happy to finally have their cooperation and his crew back. He left Harry, Neelix and the Doctor to finish up.

"Commander," Tuvok said. 

"Yes, Tuvok?" 

"Jaffen is asking to speak," he replied, "to the Captain." 

Chakotay sat for a moment, he debated whether or not to let Kathryn's lover on board. But he couldn't make that decision for her, she needed the closure to that relationship so they could mend their own.

He sighed, "let me call her," he said finally. 

=/\= 

Since Chakotay left for the bridge a few hours before, Kathryn had wandered their quarters observing and touching everything. She walked into the bedroom and stood looking at their bed, his woven blanket that was draped across the bottom of the bed caught her eye. She looked in their closets, touching her own uniforms and his. She opened their drawers and remembered his favorite linen shirt he sometimes wore off duty. The one he wore on New Earth. 

She had picked it up and held it to her, inhaling his scent and the lingering effect of his aftershave. 

She remembered more of their past five months. She remembered how happy they were and the love they shared. It was deep, passionate and tender. He was gentle with her the first time they made love, after they married. She wanted him, he took his time with her. He held back his own hunger for her, which she knew had to be difficult. When she finally came after seven year's of celibacy, she cried in his arms from the intense orgasm. He held her gently and continued to make love to her. 

From that night on, she felt alive and their passion exploded. When ship's business was complete most evenings, she’d pull him into their bedroom for an evening of passionate or tender sometimes playful lovemaking. She couldn't get enough of him back then. Now? She wasn't sure. He'd be patient, but she wondered for how long.

After her own tour of their quarters, she sat back down on the sofa staring into nothing. Her thoughts were interrupted with the chirp of the comm, since she hadn't changed out of her clothes from the planet and wasn't wearing her new commbadge yet. 

"Chakotay to Kathryn," he said.

She blinked, he was in the Ready Room. He wouldn't address her by her given name on the bridge. She sighed, "Yes?" 

“Jaffen would like to speak with you, " he replied.”It's up to you. Should I let him beam up?"

Kathryn felt tears spring to her eyes again. Chakotay was giving her the opportunity to say goodbye to her other life so they could move on with their real one. He was a wonderful husband to her, she was happy to be back with him, but saddened to be leaving Jaffen.

She sighed wiping her eyes, "send him up in a half hour please. Let me get changed.” 

"Okay," he replied gently. "Where?" 

She bit her lip, "here please. Have him escorted.” 

"Whatever you wish," he said.

She sensed he was going to cut the link, she said quickly, “Chakotay?"

"Yes Kathryn?"

"Thank you," she said, her voice shook.

“Yes, my love,” he replied tenderly. “I’ll send him up in a half hour. Chakotay out." 

The link went silent. Kathryn sighed standing and focused. She walked into the bedroom beginning to change.

Their door chime rang a little over a half-hour later. Kathryn now stood in uniform and hair done. She stood by the viewports gazing out, she sighed focusing, "come," and heard the doors slide open. She slowly turned watching Jaffen enter carrying a duffel bag of sorts. Probably filled with some of her belongings. 

“I can see why you’d rather live here," he said, their eyes caught. Before him stood a different woman, this was a woman who held authority and commanded respect. She looked beautiful to him. It hurt like hell to see her go, but his brief talk with Chakotay in the transporter room let him know their home wasn't as she first described. But instead, a beautiful, peaceful planet, which had overcome it's societal, racial and even labor problems. It was still very far for them, they had a long journey yet. He shrugged, "at least my memories weren't tampered with. According to medical reports, I did come to Quarra looking for a better life.” He walked slowly towards her, “and now that I’ve been promoted, I guess I've succeeded." He stopped less than four feet from her.

"Promotion?" she asked curious.

He nodded, “they had to replace our shift supervisor. Something about ‘acquiring workers illegally'." He took the bag off his shoulder and squatted down smiling at her.

Kathryn smiled softly, "congratulations, you deserve it.” She slowly walked towards him, leaning on the table. He was opening the bag.

“I thought you might like these back," he said, holding out a spent plasma relay. She felt her eyes sting with tears and throat tighten as she stood next to the nearest chair. "To … remind you of our time together.” He put it on the table. That's when he saw the wedding picture of her and Chakotay. 

Kathryn shook her head, her voice shook, "I won't need souvenirs to remember you.” He gazed up at her, tears had formed in her eyes, and she held them in. Even though she was a married woman, he had to hold her once more. He slowly rose and moved towards her taking her in his arms, she clung to him. 

“It'll be okay," he said gently to her, she nodded with a quiet whimper. He sighed, "I heard you still have a long way home." 

“Just a little,” she replied. She fought to get under control, she had to be on the bridge shortly, although Chakotay told her to take her time. She sighed feeling her emotions take control and began to cry softly in his arms.

"Kathryn," he said gently, "this isn't you. Please don't.” 

She nodded beginning to calm, after a moment the tears began to slow and dry up. She still clung to him, he stroked her back, and then she sighed. "Your right I'm not. I’m just going to miss you." 

"I'll miss you," he replied and gazed at her. Her blue-gray eyes were still moist with tears, he smiled gentry at her. "You’re married? To your first officer?”

Kathryn nodded, "yes, from what he tells me. And it's obvious from my - our quarters.”

Jaffen lowered his arms from her, he no longer had the right to hold her. She was incomplete control again. "How long?" 

"I'm told about six months,” she replied softly. 

He nodded, "is he good to you?" 

Kathryn remembered enough of the last five months and seven years that she could answer that question. "Yes, he is." 

"You deserve it," he said, "you have a big responsibility here."

"Sometimes I think too much," she said. “But, Chakotay has been wonderful in that aspect. I have an excellent staff."

"You've done pretty well," he said. She nodded with a smirk, “does he make you happy Kathryn?" 

She sighed, "I remember him doing so. But now -I –” and fell silent.

He studied her, "Kathryn try to make it work again." She glanced at him, “he loves you, I saw that when he met me in your transport room. We were -" he tried to think of the right word, so he wouldn't hurt her. "Another life.”

She started to smile, “‛another life'? Yes, it was. But I'll never forget you –”

"-Don't let my memory," he told her, "ruin your marriage. Both of you will be together for a long time." 

"I won't,” she said. "It'll just be ... difficult." 

"Give it time," he said. 

She nodded, they were quiet. Her commbadge chirped, “Chakotay to Janeway.”

Kathryn stared at Jaffen, she sighed, "yes, Commander?”

"Negotiations are finished," he replied. “We’ll be ready to depart as soon as you say.”

'Thank you, commander," she said. "I’ll be up shortly. Janeway out,” and looked at Jaffen. "It's time to go." 

He nodded, "yes it is." 

"Let me walk you to the transporter room," she suggested. She had finally remembered the layout of her ship. He nodded, picked up the bag, and then stopped. "What is it?”

"This is also yours," he said. He shrugged, “I packed some clothes for you. I wasn’t sure if you'd need them or not." 

"  
Thank you," she said, "that's nice. I'm always in uniform, except for a day off now and then." 

"Oh, that's too bad," he smiled gently teasing, she smiled remembering it was his humor that attracted her. 

"Let's go," she said, and stepped forward towards the door. She let him go first and they walked out. She led the way to the transporter room, by taking the scenic route along the viewports. The guards followed close behind. When they arrived in the transporter room, she dismissed them. The ensign at the controls nodded to her, and then Kathryn dismissed her. They stood staring at each other, "I guess this is goodbye?” 

"Yes," he agreed and opened his arms for one more embrace. She stepped into his arms, they held each other gently. Then he pulled away from her, "you be careful and I hope you get home soon.”

"So do I," she replied. He squeezed her hand gently and then stepped up onto the platform. She walked up behind the controls, he smiled gently at her. 

"Goodbye Kathryn," he said.

"Goodbye Jaffen,” she said softly, tears stung her eyes again. She blinked them back. "Energizing," and activated the controls, he shimmered out of sight. She sighed staring for a moment forcing the tears back. After several minutes she felt back in control. She cleared the console and reset it, then slowly walked out heading up to the bridge. 

=/\=

Kathryn’s walk to the bridge was slower than her usual pace. She acknowledged each passing crewmember, refamiliarizing herself where everything was on the deck. She was apprehensive she stepped into the lift. She sighed, “bridge,” and the lift rose.

She made a fist pressing it against the wall, she stood in back of the lift waiting for the trip to end. Moments later, the lift slowed and the doors slid open. She stood for a moment gazing out onto the bridge. Forcing herself to move, she slowly stepped out onto the upper level.

It still felt strange, but familiar. She knew she belonged here, but the feeling was distant right now. Harry spotted her as she stepped up to the railing gazing around. "Captain on the bridge!" he announced. 

Kathryn looked over at him, he smiled at her. She gave a slight nod, squared her shoulders and stepped down to the command level. Her eyes caught Chakotay's, he stood in front of his chair waiting for her, and everyone else waited for her. She sighed and began to sit down, he sat in unison with her. She sat in thought getting used to the feel of her chair again.

"Ready to go?" he asked her softly gazing at her.

She stared at the planet before her on the viewscreen, she sighed, "Chakotay if you didn't come back for me, I'd have never known I had a different life.”

He studied this was the question he was curious over. ''Are you sorry I did?''

Kathryn then gazed over at him, a soft smile formed as she looked into her husband's eyes. “Not in the least,” she said simply and meant it. Although she knew they had a difficult road ahead. He smiled gently at her, she leaned away from him straightening, "ahead full, Mr. Paris.” 

"Yes, ma’am,” he said inputting the course for home.

Kathryn sat on the bridge reacclimating herself with everyone and all stations for the next several hours. Chakotay also gave her reports to read, she took them reading on ship's repairs, crew evaluations and the warp core reports. It was starting to get overwhelming, she then decided to leave bridge to him in order to tackle the reports and stepped down into her Ready Room. 

When she did, a fresh vase of white lilies sat on her desk, she smiled softly putting the padd’s down. She inhaled the scent and a card caught her eye. She pulled it out, it read, "Welcome Home, All My Love, and C." It was in his handwriting, and she loved to read his handwriting. In the past five months, he had grown used to the idea of using an old Earth writing utensil. They wrote short notes to each other and it made their relationship more personal.

“Oh Chakotay," she whispered softly. “I’ll try to get used to you again.” She saw the stack of padd’s from four week's before still sitting on her desk. She groaned, knowing she'd never get those reports finished now. With a sigh, she walked around to her desk chair and sat down picking up the first one beginning to read. 

Four reports and two cups of coffee later, she sat on her sofa with the fifth report. Her eyes were tired and her concentration was beginning to drift. It had been a taxing day.

Her door chime rang, she lifted her head, "come," she said softly. The doors slid open and Chakotay entered. She stared at him, "yes?" 

Chakotay smiled gently at her, ''are you ready for dinner? Neelix has prepared a huge welcome home feast for the crew.”

Kathryn listened to his soft voice, she was tired and still remembering. She shrugged, "I'm ... not sure if I'm hungry."

He stepped up to her and sat down beside her studying her. "Are you okay?" he asked gently.

She gazed at him, ''yes, I will be shortly.'' She paused, “thank you for bringing me home.” He nodded, she stared at him and the tattoo, and she reached out to touch his face. He sat letting her, but uneasiness took over and she stopped. Her hand just a millimeter from his face. Chakotay stared at her, he gently took her hand in his sensing her uneasiness. He kept her palm open and placed it against his face gently, getting her familiar with this gesture she had used on him for years.

"Kathryn relax," he said gently. "It's just me.” 

She leaned closer to him, her fingertips feeling his warmth and the smoothness of his face. She reached her other hand up touching the other side of his face, tracing the tattoo. He sat letting her, her touch threads of desire through him, but he wouldn't act on it, she wasn't ready for intimacy with him yet. 

"Chakotay," she whispered, his breath was warm on her face. He gazed at her, “why didn't you tell me we were married while in my apartment?” 

He kissed her hand and sighed, "I was afraid you'd run Kathryn. I couldn't risk that.”

"Your right," she said softly, "I probably would have." She stared at him, “I’m sorry for reporting you Chakotay. I didn't realize -"

"Kathryn," he said gently. "It's okay, my love. We're all home now.” 

"-And for Jaffen," she added, her throat tight. "Please forgive me." 

"There's nothing to forgive," he said tenderly. He placed his hands over hers gently, a tear glistened in her eye. "You didn't know. We're going to get through this Kathryn, just don’t be afraid of me. I'll never hurt you."

"I know," she whispered, "I know." She sat quietly for a few minutes, “my ring.”

"What?” he asked gazing into her eyes.

"They took my wedding ring," she said again. She felt her eyes sting with tears.

Chakotay knew how much she cherished the ring he designed for her. This was a personal disappointment after this incident. He took her right hand, gazing at it, and then he stroked each finger gently and down to her palm. He lifted it kissing it gently, “Kathryn, I’ll get you another ring -” 

"-I don't want you to use," she said, "all your replicator rations –”

"I'll live," he said, "if replicating a new ring will reassure you of our marriage.”

Kathryn stared at him, forcing the tears back, she reached out cupping the side of his face, subconsciously this time. Her voice shook, "Chakotay, this feels so strange. I remember parts of you, but the rest is like a fog." 

"Give it time," he said gently. She nodded leaning closer, their foreheads touching gently, she closed her eyes, he wanted to hold her and kiss her until she wanted more. But she wasn't ready, he could tell that. They sat like that for several moments, listening to the sound of their breathing. He sighed, "Kathryn, as much as I'm enjoying sitting like this, I think getting some food is more important." 

Kathryn smiled and a soft laugh escaped from her, he chuckled as well. She lifted her head, "point well taken. Thanks for reminding me.” 

He stared at her, her smile was real, and he loved seeing it. He reached out tracing her jawline with his finger, she didn't flinch from him. He wanted to kiss her so terribly, to feel her love for him, but he was unsure. "Kathryn," he said softly. “Can I kiss you?” 

She sighed, she knew he wanted to, could feel how much he loved her. She loved him just as deeply, but it was still all-strange to her. She also didn’t want to reject his offer, deciding that she needed the kiss as well. "Yes,” she breathed, "yes Chakotay, you may.”

He smiled at her, their eyes caught. He reached out taking face gently in his hands studying her. She gazed at him. He leaned closer and gently kissed her. It wasn’t a light kiss, but a soft gentle one. She moaned softly, in attempt not to pull away when feeling his mouth on hers. He wanted to do mote, but wouldn't, this was enough for her it the moment. He felt her respond back slowly, instinctively he slid his arms around drawing her closer.

Kathryn gasped feeling his arms, but let him hold her, she felt safe and comfortable in them. She remembered his kisses, how tender he was with her at times, then the passion when their tongues would mesh when she was so hungry for him she couldn’t get enough. She pressed her mouth somewhat firmer against his with a groan.

Chakotay felt her response grow deeper, he forced himself to pull away from her. He whispered, "Kathryn I love you, but I think this is all your ready for now.”

She nodded, “yes." 

He stroked her face tenderly, "now, come on. Let's see what Neelix made for dinner."

“Sounds good,” she agreed, he kissed her lightly once more. Then he stood up holding out his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. He squeezed her hand gently, she responded with the same. 

"Come on," he smiled gently at her and they walked out hand in hand.

=/\=

That night when they went to bed, he attempted to hold her, but she was nervous and turned away from him. It had been a month since they'd shared they shared the same bed, this was the first time she wouldn't allow his touch. He didn’t force her as she lay on her side away from him, he sat staring at her, trying to accept why she was doing this, but it was difficult. He wasn’t going to force her, the last thing he wanted her to feel was pressured. He was tempted to sleep on the sofa, but decided against it. Instead he lay beside her on his side as well, with his chest to her, but not spooning. He placed his hand on her arm, stroking gently, she sighed in response and both fell asleep. 

During the next two weeks their sleeping conditions didn’t change much. He coaxed her a few times during then into letting him hold her. She let him for short periods, but wasn't comfortable and ended pulling away from him again. 

Chakotay understood why she was nervous, but now he was getting worried. Kathryn was dealing with her time on Quarra, she was cutting him off and he didn't like it.

During their duty shifts, nothing changed. She worked long hours in her Ready Room reading reports trying to catch up. He forced her to take time out for lunch and an occasional coffee break. He tried to remain patient, but it was starting to wear thin. After dinner one night he stood in the bedroom doorway after changing into a pair of black pants and cream pullover shirt. He watched her sitting on the sofa reading a padd. It wasn't a padd novel, but a fuel consumption report. She was avoiding him, now he knew this because before they married they mutually agreed that no ship business was to be discussed after 2030 hours so they could be themselves. Once married, she upheld that agreement, now she didn't for the first time. Far as he was concerned, the only time. She wasn't going to change this, he had to make her see that.

It had been two weeks, he saw no new response from her except for that kiss in her Ready Room. Deciding on an approach, he walked quietly over to her. "Kathryn?" she glanced up at him. "May I join you?" she shrugged. He sat beside her, close enough so their bodies just touched, she started to move away. He sighed, "we have to talk.”

"What about?" she asked absently.

"About what you're reading," he replied, she looked at him. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about -" 

"-I don't," she said. 

"Yes, you do," he told her. "We agreed no ship business after 2030 hours. It's now 2045 and I see you reading a fuel consumption report."

She stared at him, "that's all I can read at the moment.”

"We had an agreement Kathryn," he said.

"I just changed the agreement," she said.

That was it, he was as patient as he could be, but now she was pushing it. This wasn't going to turn into a marriage of convenience. He shook his head, "no Kathryn, it hasn't and won't change. It stays at what we agreed." Before she could react, he reached over and pulled the padd from her hands. 

Kathryn growled angrily, "give it back Chakotay," she ordered.

"No, I won't," he said, she glared at him. "You're not the captain now, unless an emergency comes up. You're my wife and I won't have you turn this relationship into a marriage of convenience. You've been avoiding me, I'm not taking it anymore.” 

Kathryn went to grab the padd back, he pulled it away from her, "Chakotay! Damn you!" 

"That's not going to help," he told her.

Kathryn pushed herself to her feet away from him, she tried not to get angry. What he was doing was uncalled for, she wasn't ready. "Chakotay I'm not ready to make love -" 

He stood up saying firmly, "that's not what I'm talking about Kathryn. Fine, we won't make love until your ready again -I waited seven years until you finally let me in your heart! I can wait again, but I won't have you changing an agreement we made so you can avoid me.” He rubbed his face with a sigh, "it's been two weeks since we left Quarra. I want my wife back.”

She wrapped her arms around herself, her voice trembled. "I'm trying Chakotay.." 

"Not hard enough -"

"What do you want from me?" she asked trying to stay calm. The tears were threatening to fall again, she forced them back. 

Chakotay stared at her, he knew her well enough to know when she was upset. He walked over to her putting his hands on her arms gently, "I just want you Kathryn, my wife, nothing else," he told her tenderly. He saw a tear slide down her face, he reached up gently brushing it away. "I want to hear you laugh with me again, talk with me and yes, make love. I need that, I don't like being cut off like this." 

She stared up at him, she felt her body shudder, he gripped her arms gently. “I ... I'd like that as well," she replied, her lip trembled. "But, it's so difficult -"

"Kathryn," he said softly, "it's been difficult for both of us." He paused, then, "let me help you. Just let me in again." 

She stared into his dark eyes, she wanted everything like it was before. She knew he was being as patient as possible, but it was wearing thin. After a moment she nodded, "I'll try," he smiled gently at her. She reached up placing her hand against his face, he kissed it gently. "I'm sorry for being the way I have." 

"I just want you happy with me again," he said. "And comfortable," a few more tears slid silently down her face, he then embraced her gently pulling her against him. “I love you, just come back to me," he stroked her back gently. She closed her eyes and slid her arms around him slowly. She wasn't letting her emotions overcome her, but she held him tighter. They stood that way for several moments, he kissed her neck softly, and then gazed at her, "I have an idea." 

She wiped her eyes and sighed, “what?” 

"Let's go to the holodeck," he suggested. "We haven't run the Lake George program in awhile. I think a sail would do you wonders." 

She smiled softly, "I've always enjoyed that program." 

"I know," he said, "so, how about it?" 

"Let me go change," she finally said after a moment. He smiled at her and kissed her tenderly, she responded with a soft sigh. After a second pulled away gazing at him, "I’ll be right out," and pulled out of his arms and walked into the bedroom. 

They spent the next couple of hours relaxing in the boat. He had her smiling as they spoke of how he proposed. She remembered happily now, as he reminded her. She leaned back against the backboard of the sailboat while lounging back on the padded bench. 

"Were you nervous?" she asked him curiously. 

He glanced down at her from the wheel, he smirked, "I was terrified." Her smile grew wider, she shook her head. He chuckled, "I swear. I wasn't just asking Kathryn to marry me, but my captain.” He sighed, "and it was in front of the whole crew. I thought I stumbled through that whole speech I gave you." 

"You spoke beautifully," she said, "and took me by surprise. I was speechless."

"I wasn't sure if you'd accept," he said somewhat shyly. 

"Why?" 

He shrugged, "remember those parameters you set for us?" She nodded, "that’s why." 

"What made you ask anyway?” 

He turned the wheel adjusting the boat as it turned on the lake. "It had been seven years since we met and began working together. I was in love with you since practically that first time." He sighed, "I couldn't take not letting you know. You needed me in more than a friend sense, especially after your trip to Unimatrix Zero.” 

"That was a mission," she agreed, they stared at each other. "And I'm happy you did ask, because I was feeling lonely and on the edge of my rope."

"What about now?" 

She thought for a moment, she could feel their relationship was going to get better. Hopefully in a few more days, not weeks. She was really going to try, but she wasn't sure on the intimacy yet. She sighed, "better, just ... I need a little more time." 

"I know," he said gently, "and I'm patient." They were quiet for a few minutes, "Kathryn, I have a request." 

"Request?" 

He nodded, "let me hold you tonight," he saw her stiffen some. "Please, and don't pull away, we both need it." 

She sighed, "I'll try ... but," she faltered. "I'm sorry for feeling this way." 

"Give it a chance," he said. "That's all I ask," she nodded. 

=/\=

When their time was up, they ended the program and left holding hands back to their quarters. The lights in the corridor were low because it was late evening and the beginning of Beta shift. Once back in their quarters, she contacted Harry to check the ship’s status. Happy to hear everything was under control, she went to change for bed. 

When she emerged in her long, silk peach nightgown, he was laying in bed with his arm pillowed behind his head. He smiled softly at her, "you look beautiful.” 

"Thanks," she replied, her heart was pounding. She tried to calm, he just wanted to hold her, not make love. She wrung her hands edging towards the bed, he opened the blankets for her. 

She sat on the edge of the bed, swung her legs onto it and sat for a moment beside him. 

"Kathryn?" he said gently. "It's okay." 

She nodded with a sigh, “I know," and forced herself to lie against the bed. He pulled the blankets over them and wrapped his arm around her slowly. She adjusted herself and her pillow. He began to stroke her arm, “Computer, lights off," and they went out. As they lay quietly, she got used to the feel of him again. 

"How are you doing?" he asked gently. 

“Good," she replied softly and instinctively rolled onto her side closer to him. He began to stroke her back, his stroking was soothing and she began to relax a little more. She sighed, "I remember this." 

"What?" 

"This," she replied, "your arm around me." She felt better with this and moved closer, lightly pressing her body alongside his. He wrapped his arms around her completely now, she rested her head on his pillow as well. "Goodnight Chakotay." 

"Goodnight Kathryn," he said as her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep. "I love you," and she moaned softly. 

During the next week, she became more comfortable around him. She was allowing him to hold her each night and she didn't pull away. 

They were also talking again and she was laughing at stories he told of his academy days, one of Neelix's new dishes he was serving to the crew and the latest talent show. 

It was three weeks since Quarra and the crew was slowly returning to normal. B'Elanna and Tom were now happy to share in the upcoming expectancy of being parents again. Kathryn began to help Tom plan a baby shower for her. 

=/\=

One night she entered their quarters after an extended shift. Chakotay was off earlier to finish work in his office and to get dinner ready for them. Once she entered, she found the lights low, some candles lit and soft music playing. 

Smiling softly, she gazed around, "Chakotay?" 

He came out of the bedroom dressed in a pair of brown trousers, his favorite shirt and slippers. He smiled, "about time. Everything okay?" 

She nodded, “yes, just a long day." she gazed around, "what's all this?" 

He walked over to her taking her in his arms, she slid her arms around him, "just a nice relaxing evening I thought you'd enjoy."

"It's beautiful,” she said softly. He kissed her gently, she responded, and then looked at him. "Let me get changed. I'm not comfortable." 

“Go ahead," he said, "dinner is almost ready," she nodded and walked into the bedroom. 

Dinner was romantic and relaxing for her. She had changed into a soft white pantsuit and brushed her hair out, he told her he loved her hair looser around her shoulders like that. She gladly told him she'd wear it that way more often when they were alone. 

When they finished with dinner, he stood up and pulled her into his arms. She was relaxed, but he could tell still nervous. He kissed her tenderly taking her hand and holding her waist beginning to move them in circles. She laughed softly against his mouth, he chuckled and she stared at him, "oh, you are smooth Chakotay. A nice romantic dinner and dancing? What'd I do to deserve this?"

"For being you," he replied softly still moving them. He forced his desire back for her, he wanted her so bad at that moment it hurt. But he wasn't going to force her, if she responded to his signs and she hadn't. She placed her head against his shoulder as they danced slowly. "I love you," he whispered in her ear, although he hadn't heard her say it since before he left for that away mission. 

She was quiet for a moment, and then sighed, "I love you to." She smiled when he pressed his body closer to hers, his hand firmer against her lower back. She could feel his desire for her, she wasn't sure if she were ready to make love, although she felt the need in her grow. But, she was tired, it had been a long day. If something happened, she would try, other than that, and she just wanted to sleep. 

Chakotay then looked at her, she smiled at him, "your so beautiful Kathryn," he kissed her gently. She responded and he sighed, "I think we should just go to bed. You look tired." 

"I am," she replied, “but, thank you for a wonderful evening."

He stroked her face, "we'll do this again, I promise. You go ahead, I'll clean up," she nodded, he kissed her gently once more and she pulled away going into the bedroom. 

A little over an hour later they lay in each other's arms, she sighed softly snuggling closer to him as he held her. He kissed her forehead softly, running his hand up the length of her back, she tilted her head up towards his, and he kissed her temple, and then worked over to her nose and across her cheek. He kissed her gently and she responded with a soft moan, he wrapped his arms around her pressing his body against hers. 

Kathryn held him, she moaned again feeling his hardness pressed against her abdomen through his boxers. Her heart thudded in her chest, she tried to relax. One of his hands slid up her caressing gently and she gasped when he gently cupped a breast over her nightgown, his thumb stroked her hard bud beneath. 

He felt her slightly stiffen, he kissed her face and gazed at her, "relax Kathryn, it's just me Chakotay. I won't hurt you.” 

She reached up taking his face in her hands, "Chakotay," she breathed, also recognizing his touch. Her body shivered against him, he continued to caress her, over and under her breasts, down to her abdomen and to the base of her womanhood. She knew this was her husband who loved her deeply, but this still felt new to her with him, which it wasn't. She wanted to try making love, she wasn't sure if she were going to succeed tonight. When he stroked her womanhood over the nightgown, she cried out and stiffened up, "stop! Oh god, please!" And pulled away from him sitting up, she wrapped her arms around herself trembling.

Chakotay sighed rolling his head back, he wasn't sure if she'd allow it, he got his answer. He rubbed his face studying her silhouette on the bed, just to show her he wasn't disappointed over this, he sat up, "Kathryn love, its okay," he wrapped his arms around her gently.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, "I thought I could, but ... I can't, not yet." She felt his arms around her, but couldn't relax again.

"I think you need a little more time," he suggested gently and kissed her arm gently. "I don't want to force you." 

Tears slid down her face quietly, "I don't deserve you after this," and put her face in her hands. 

“Oh Kathryn," he said, now realizing she were crying. "Come here, it'll be okay," he pulled her down alongside him holding her gently. She whimpered wrapping her arms around him as he stroked her back softly. "Just relax, my love.” 

The tears had dried up, she wiped her face and lifted her head looking at him. "I've disappointed you -" 

He shook his head touching her face, "no Kathryn, no. I tried and you still weren't ready as you might have thought. We'll wait a little longer, its okay." 

Kathryn reached up cupping the side of his face, he kissed her hand, "I do love you Chakotay. I ... I need a little more time. I'm happy you see that." 

"I know you," he said smiling gently at her. 

"Yes, you do," she agreed and smiled softly. She embraced him, he held her. She rested her head against his chest, she yawned, "perhaps I'm also too tired." 

"I think we both are," he agreed. She didn't answer, "Kathryn?" And he heard her soft sigh as she drifted off to sleep. He sighed and soon fell asleep himself. 

The next day, Kathryn was troubled from the night before. Even though her captain's mask was in place, her heart was heavy. She knew Chakotay had to be just a little disappointed because she couldn't make love. She needed to talk to someone with enough advice and wisdom that could sort out her feelings.

Right before lunch, she left the bridge to Chakotay to make her weekly rounds of the ship. She greeted everyone, answered or two and headed towards the mess hall. She thought of talking to B’Elanna about this problem, but wasn't sure if her chief engineer could provide the wisdom that she seeked. She was near Chakotay's office located on the starboard side, which she knew was empty at the moment. Then she realized Tuvok was in his security office located nearby working on his security reports for her. 

She walked slowly towards his office. Although he was a Vulcan, their friendship, throughout the years deep and strong. She seeked his counsel in the past and his logical wisdom was always comforting. 

She at first stepped past his door, a crewmember walked by, she nodded at her. When alone again, she stood deciding. This had to stop, her marriage would fall apart if she didn't respond to Chakotay soon. The last thing she expected was to talk about sex to a Vulcan, but Tuvok understood humans and knew both of them.

She squared her shoulders with a sigh and touched his call button. He opened the-door, she stepped in. He was behind his large monitoring station with a padd inputting information. 

He glanced up, “Captain? What an unexpected surprise. What can I do for you?"

Kathryn stared at him, wondering how to open the subject up. "I …”

Tuvok stared at his captain and friend, he sensed something was bothering her. She rarely came to him in private like this, especially after she and Chakotay married. But here she was... 

He moved out from behind his station, "would you like some tea?"

"That would be nice, thank you," she replied.

He walked over to his replicator, "Vulcan spice tea," and a square cup appeared on the base. He picked it up and walked over handing it to her, "would you like to sit captain?" 

“Thank you,” she said walking over to his small sofa and sat down. He joined her, she sighed, "you're probably wondering why I'm here.”

“I am understandably curious,” he replied. "You seem troubled captain."

She sighed, took a sip of her tea and smiled softly, "you could say that." 

He raised his eyebrow with a nod, "with the commander - ?" she glanced over at him. "Excuse me, Chakotay." 

Kathryn leaned over putting her tea on the table before her, she put her face in her hands. He waited patiently, she shook her head wanting to cry, but forced it back. Tuvok could be very compassionate and comforting, but she wouldn’t allow him to see her in tears. After a moment she sighed, "ever since we returned from Quarra, nothing has …been the same.”

Tuvok nodded, “your affair with Jaffen?" She glanced at him, "he's finding it difficult to accept your affair?"

She sat up shaking her head, "no, in fact, it's the opposite." He stared at her, she clenched her hand, "I can't forgive myself for having it.” 

“You were unaware,” he told her, "you were married Captain. It is hardly your fault-" 

“-I fell in love while married," she said, her voice shook. "Yes, I didn't know, but that's no excuse. I couldn't remember anything of my marriage or Chakotay. He says he's okay with it, but I ... can’t forgive myself. I feel like betrayed him, and I can't ... can't,” she sighed, "be with him," she finished softly. 

Tuvok stared at her back, he understood her distress over this problem. Over his many years of working with humans, he knew when they were in love, making love was a very intimate way of expressing that love to each other. When one of that partnership was troubled and unable to be intimate, it tended to cause stress and other problems. The captain and the commander had only been married for six months now, they had several years left to arriving home. Marital problems this soon wasn't good, especially for this command couple. "Have you discussed your affair with him?" he asked her.

She shook her head, “no. It took two weeks just for me to stop avoid being in the same room with him. He literally had to force me to see what was going on.” She gave a sad laugh, "and now I can't ...” 

"Have you tried -?" 

She nodded, "last night for the first time. I pushed him away." She sighed, “Tuvok, Chakotay is one of the most patient men I've known, especially with a woman as stubborn and driven as me. But I'm testing it, he claims he'll wait until I'm ready. I'm afraid ... I’ll never be ready." 

"I believe you need to talk to your husband," he suggested. "You need to talk to him about your affair, since it seems to be the wall that has halted your relationship. I have gotten to know Chakotay throughout the years, he is a patient and compassionate man. And, he loves you deeply. I think it'd be beneficial to you both to discuss this problem." 

Kathryn sank back against the sofa with a groan, “your right Tuvok. You're always right," she glanced at him with a small smile. "I've always depended on your counsel Tuvok. I just never knew I'd come to you with my marriage problem.”

"I am always here to discuss," he said, "whatever you need Captain. Including your marital problems. Feel free to come to me anytime." 

Kathryn reached out putting a gentle hand on his very warm one, she smiled, “thank you Tuvok. Friends like you are rare. And I will talk to him about Jaffen tonight." 

"I think that would be wise," Tuvok agreed. Kathryn smiled patting his hand and wiped a stray tear from her eye. 

=/\= 

That evening they discussed ship business over dinner. He noticed she was paying attention to the topics at hand, but seemed like something else was on her mind. She offered to clean up the dinner dishes, he didn't argue and went to change for bed. 

As she put the dishes back in the replicator to recycle them, she glanced over at the bedroom. She noticed his silhouette as he changed out of his uniform. He was quiet tonight with her, probably unsure how to approach her since last night. She pushed him away last night, she didn't want to keep doing it. She loved him as much he loved her, she wanted to get their marriage back on track. 

With a sigh, she blew out the candles and lowered the lights heading to the bedroom. He was sitting on the side of the bed in his robe and looked in thought. She began to remove her uniform jacket, "going to bed early?" she inquired softly. 

He glanced at her watching her remove her jacket, then nodded, “yes, it was a long day and I'm pulling a double tomorrow." 

She was quiet, unsure how to broach the subject, "I’ll be in the bathroom,” and she walked in to change into her nightgown. Once she changed, she walked out in her nightgown finding him in bed. He smiled at her and opened the covers for her, she slid in beside him and lay down. They were quiet, he wrapped an arm around her, and she curled into it wrapping an arm around his bare chest. She sighed, "Chakotay?" 

"Yes Kathryn?" 

"Can we talk?" she asked. 

"We always can talk," he told her. 

She then pulled away from him and sat up gazing down at him, “I'm sorry about last night -"

"-Kathryn-"

She shook her head, "no Chakotay, please don't keep saying its okay. Because it’s not, this isn't the way things should be between us. We should be...” he-waited for her, “acting like newlyweds, like we were before Quarra took that away." She curled her feet behind her, "I pushed you away Chakotay, and I know you wanted to make love last night. I'm sorry I disappointed you.”

He sat up placing his hands on her arms gently, he stared at her, “I understand Kathryn, really I do.” He sighed, "but, you’re right I guess I was a little disappointed. I love being with you, feeling your body -" he reached up stroking the side of her face. “I just love you so much. I won’t force you." 

"I know I've been difficult," she said leaning into his hand. "But I know your patience can only last so long." 

He smiled tenderly at her, "its okay, my love," and kissed her tenderly. She responded, and then he looked at her, “I'll be as patient -" 

“Chakotay,” she said, “I need to tell you about Jaffen. My affair is the reason why I can't make love to you." 

“If you need to tell me," he replied, "I'm willing to listen.” Although he wasn't sure how much he wanted to hear. 

Kathryn twisted the bed sheet in her hands, she looked down saying softly, "when I first started in the reactor room, I was focused on learning my job. Jaffen helped me out with a problem, he asked me out to dinner. I said no, a few times, but he was very persistent.” She paused, “so I finally agreed to dinner with him. It … continued for a couple of weeks, I liked him, and he was a good cook."

"Better than me?" he asked teasing. 

She lifted her head smiling at him, "he came close -" and he chuckled. She sighed, "one night I cooked, needless to say it was a disaster. So I decided to treat him out for an evening, but we never left. He changed my mind -"

"-Kathryn, you don't have to -" 

She nodded, "yes, I do. Please?" He stared at her, then nodded with a sigh, "while we were ... making love, I didn't know it then, but I was thinking of you. It felt right and then it didn't." 

Chakotay felt his heart lurch, her heart had been with him the whole time, even though she hadn't realized it. He leaned closer, "oh Kathryn, that does help my own thoughts on this,” she stared at him. He kissed her gently again, she responded wrapping an arm around his neck.

Kathryn pulled him closer with a soft moan, he wrapped her closer. She kissed his face and neck embracing him, she sighed, "afterwards when we talked, I remembered your tattoo. I knew that memory belonged to someone else, but I didn't know who.” 

He buried his face in her neck and hair kissing it gently, "oh Kathryn," his desire was starting to rage again. His breath was growing short and heart beat faster. 

“When you revealed yourself to me," she whispered, she groaned feeling his hand slide down her back gently. "I got scared, but it all made sense.” 

He looked at her and she stared at him, he lowered his head kissing her deeply now, she groaned pulling him tighter. She felt as if an incredible weight had been lifted off her, she felt her body yearn for him again. He wanted her, she was responding fully again, at least that's what he could tell. He lowered her down to the bed pressing his body against hers, she didn't push him away. Not yet. He began to kiss her face gently, and worked down to her throat, she held his head running his hands through his hair. He gazed at her, "Kathryn, only if you want to. I want you to be sure." 

She reached up taking his face in her hands, she could feel the weight of him pressing her into the mattress. They stared at each other, she sighed, "talking about Jaffen has helped me. I feel better now. Give me a few days to let the rest go. When we finally make love again, I just want you in my heart and nobody else." 

He nodded, "okay. I'm glad you told me," he kissed her again. She responded, and he forced himself to pull away from her. He rolled beside her taking her with him, she laid her head on his shoulder wrapping her arms around him. They lay quietly, he was feeling sleepy now. "Kathryn?" She moaned, "get the blankets.” 

She opened her eyes and looked at him, "alright," and leaned towards the end of the bed pulling them up. He lay staring at her slim back and narrow hips that strained against her nightgown. He groaned softly, god he wanted her. She lay beside him again covering them, she curled into his side. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer, "I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” he replied, she adjusted herself closing her eyes. He closed his eyes stroking her back gently, "goodnight, my love.”

"Goodnight," he whispered softly as they drifted off to sleep.

Over the next two days, the crew received the next transmission from Starfleet. There were instructions from Reg Barclay for Seven and Harry on how to set up the ship's long range sensors. The Pathfinder Project had gotten to the stage of being able to communicate in real time for 11 minutes a day with the crew. Kathryn had made that first priority, setting up the long-range sensors. 

Since their talk two nights before, she began to feel like herself for the first time in over a month since Quarra. The night before, Chakotay was able to bring her closer to intimacy than the last time. she allowed him and came close, but asked him to stop, he did.

She knew he was just tying to make her feel comfortable, now she was after last night. The desire of being with him was building, she wanted to really feel him now, their bodies merged and hearts beating together. 

The more she thought of his hands and mouth on her, the more aroused she grew. She couldn't concentrate on the current report she was reading and stood up from her sofa beginning to pace. It was the middle of Alpha shift, she reasoned, she couldn't just call him into the Ready Room to finally allow him to make love to her then and there. 

Her love and desire tossed out reason, she was willing now even for a quickie up against the wall just to stop her raging desire for him. She shook her head, trying to talk herself out of it, he was still on the bridge. But she couldn't, they'd have to wait until the shift ended.

She groaned, she wanted him now though. Deciding to take a chance, she was the captain after all ... 

She tapped her commbadge keeping her voice even, "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Yes, Captain?”

"Please report to my Ready Room," she asked. 

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and the link went silent. When he entered the room, he found her standing on the upper level staring at him. "Captain?”

Kathryn smiled at her husband, her mind wouldn't let her see him as otherwise at the moment. "Computer, engage privacy lock," she ordered and saw the reaction in his face. She sighed, "report?" 

He shrugged, "quiet. Nothing to report." He studied her, "Kathryn?”

She walked over to him and stepped down to the lower level, "Chakotay –” she said softly. She reached up taking his face in her hands, he reached up holding her wrists. 

Chakotay saw the love and desire in her face and eyes, something was definitely on her mind. He smiled gently at her, "Kathryn, are you okay?" 

She nodded smiling and kissed him deeply and passionately. He moaned softly beginning to respond, he wrapped his arms around her pressing his body tighter against hers. Their kiss grew deeper as she opened her mouth to his, inviting him closer. He understood her passion, apparently she was ready for more, he couldn't be happier. But not in the Ready Room, remembering her protocol rule.

"Chakotay," she breathed against his mouth, "make love to me –” 

He chuckled a little and looked at her, her face was flush with the desire and passion she was feeling. "Now?" he asked shocked. 

She nodded, "yes, now," and kissed him passionately again, drawing his tongue against hers. He groaned responding, he felt her hands slide down to backside and his body reacted.

Several moments later he forced himself to pull away from her, "Kathryn, wait," he gasped. He was thrilled his wife had finally returned, but not in the Ready Room. He smiled at her, “now who are you and where'd you put my wife and captain?” Kathryn smiled at him, he saw the glow within her. "What about your protocol rule -?"

She wrapped her arms around him whispering, "it's null and void Chakotay for the moment. I want you -" and kissed him again. 

Chakotay's head was spinning, her mind was made up. He had to control the situation somewhat. He kissed her face and throat, "not here Kathryn. You can be very vocal and if I’m guessing correctly, you don't intend to be quiet right now.” 

She sighed and gazed at him, "your right.”

He stroked her face and throat gently, "besides as much as I’d love to, I don’t want to make love to you on the floor or the sofa. You deserve better.”

"I love you," she said, her voice husky. She thought for a moment, she couldn’t wait, she said, "Janeway to Tuvok."

Chakotay stared at her smiling, “Tuvok here. Yes, Captain?”

"The commander and I," she replied, "are taking the rest of the day off. We’ll be in our quarters. We're not to be disturbed unless it's an emergency.”

"Understood," he replied, "bridge out.”

"Kathryn -" he said shocked.

She put her hand to his mouth quieting him, "computer disengage privacy lock and beam the commander and I to our quarters." She moved into his arms and kissed him again as the beam grabbed them. 

=/\=

Chakotay cried out her name collapsing against her gasping, she groaned clinging tightly to him gasping. "Oh god!” he whispered to her ear, he placed a tender kiss on her damp neck and throat and gazed at her, “Kathryn.” She reached up cupping the sides of his face, "I love you,” and kissed her tenderly again. She moaned holding him, still speechless from their second passionate session of lovemaking.

The moment they beamed into their quarters' she began removing his uniform, he did hers. They left a trail of clothes from the living area to the doorway. She was so hungry for him, he took her in the doorway. Her cries of pleasure and passion only fueled him more, she came violently screaming his name. He held her, still wanting her and laid them on the bed continuing to make love to her. He forced her to let him take over, she did.

He rolled beside her, his heartbeat slowing, and he pulled her against him. She pressed her body against his, placing kisses on his damp face and working her way down to his chest. He ran his hands through her hair gently, she tenderly kissed his sweat-covered chest drinking in the salt of him. 

“Chakotay,” she finally whispered in the lingering passion. "I've missed you.” 

He smiled, "I’ve missed you to,” she curled against him, he wrapped his arms around her as she put her head on his shoulder. He stroked her back, she sighed, "do you feel better now?"

“Oh yes," she replied, husky with passion. "Much, much better," she placed a deep kiss on his chest.

"That's good," he said. 

"How about you?" she asked and snuggled closer to him. 

“Wonderful," he replied, she gazed at him, he lifted his head kissing her tenderly. She responded, he slid his hands down her back loving the feel of her soft skin. He looked at her, "you’re so beautiful Kathryn." 

"I feel it," she said and propped herself up on his chest. She stared at him beginning to trace his eyebrow and tattoo gently. "Do you think the crew knows we decided to take the rest of the day off for this?" 

He shrugged, “well, the bridge crew certainly knows. But, I don't care, do you?'' 

She shook her head, "no, besides it's none of their business.” 

Chakotay smiled tenderly, "oh I have missed you, my love." She embraced him happy, he stroked her hair kissing the top of her head. They lay quietly listening to the sound of their breathing, "you surprised me." 

“I know,” she said, "but I couldn't help myself. Being captain has its privileges.”

“Oh yes, I know," he replied with a soft chuckle, she laughed to. "And I'm happy to be the one who married her."

"I'm not complaining," she said.

"Better not," he told her, "I'm exhausted.”

She sighed, “oh Chakotay, I'm not through with you yet.'' She emphasized it by sliding her hand further down him stroking gently.

“Gods, Kathryn," he groaned, "give an old man a break here," he reached down taking her hand in his. She stared at him, her lopsided smile forming, he loved her smile. He sighed, "I’ve got a surprise for you." 

She perked some, “well, you've done pretty well so far, surprising me with a few new techniques I never realized you had.” 

“I only use them when in the mood," he quipped smiling at her. "Now would you like your surprise or not?"

Kathryn reached up kissing him tenderly, "yes, I would.” 

"Be right back," he kissed her back and gently pulled away from her. Kathryn watched him walk nude over to his closet, she rolled over and sat up finding her robe. She pulled it on and knelt on the bed while watching him curiously. She ran her fingers through her hair freeing it of the tangles that was a result of their lovemaking. 

Chakotay turned, he smiled watching her kneel on the bed. She looked beautiful against the starlight outside their viewports. The rest of the cabin was dark, “computer, raise lights to dim," and they slowly came up. He stepped over to her and knelt in front of her. “For you, Kathryn," he held out a small black velvet box in his palm. 

Kathryn pushed a lock of hair out of her face tucking it behind her ear. She picked it up and opened it slowly. She gasped in surprise and felt her eyes sting with tears. Inside sat a new wedding ring, a replica of the one that was taken from her when on Quarra. "Chakotay –” her voice broke.

He stared at her, took the ring out of the box and picked up her right hand. “Last week was our six month anniversary. I wanted to give it to you then, but wasn't sure if you were ready for it." 

She wanted to cry she was so happy, "I am now!" He slid the ring on her middle finger, she embraced him happily. He held her gently, "I love you."

"I love you," he said gently. 

Kathryn looked at him, "when did you do this?" 

"About four weeks ago,” he replied stroking the side of her face gently. “When you told me you lost the other one. I'll marry you all over again Kathryn." 

She began to cry softly, he stroked her tears away. She kissed him happily, he responded and held her against him. "I love you," she whimpered, "so much." He kissed tears away and lowered her to the bed. She pressed herself into his arms clinging to him as he pressed himself against her, wanting her again. Her tears dried up as he kissed slowly down her tenderly, stroking her afire. "Make love to me again," she whispered.

"Yes, I plan to," he said tenderly. He kissed her again deeply and gently, sitting her up and pulling the robe off her and tossing it. She cried out when he took a hard bud in his mouth savoring it gently. 

She ran her hands through his hair, the gentle passion swimming through her. He took another bud in his mouth, she moaned softly again. She felt her body shudder and arched her back to him, "Chakotay –” she whispered. He reached up kissing her deeply and gently again, she responded clinging to him, their tongues meshing gently. 

He slid his hand down her gently, and let his mouth follow, "let me Kathryn, you’re so beautiful." 

He feathered her with soft deep kisses, from each arm to her fingers, the crooks of her elbows, to her breasts, then beneath. He trailed his path of desire down her slowly, her body shuddered again. He stroked her tenderly and she cried out when he placed his mouth on her womanhood and drew her swollen bud up against his tongue. 

Her body opened to him as he continued to drink her in, drawing her body closer to him and her release. She was moaning loudly holding his head, he continued, his tongue darting inside her. He felt her body shudder deeply again, he drew her closer to her release. 

"Chakotay! Please!" she cried out. “I want you inside –”

He slowly left her beginning to kiss up her again, he lay against her as she slid her legs around his hips, and he positioned himself against her. They kissed deeply again, she tasted herself on him and cried out against his mouth when he joined them deeply. She groaned clinging to him as he began to move against her slowly. 

"Kathryn," he said lovingly, "you're my heart, my soul –”

"-I love you Chakotay," she whimpered lifting her hips to his. She kissed his face and neck as he moved deeper into her. She rolled over against him moving her hips against his, he sat up kissing her again as they rocked in the passion. He slid his hands down to her hips lifting her closer to him, pressing himself deeper into her. 

He rolled over against her, her muscles started to clench him tighter. She began to cry out as he began to move harder, she gripped him tighter gasping burying her face in his neck.

Although he wanted to take his time with her, the passion took over, and he had to bring them both to release again. Being without her for a month was unbearable, they hadn’t gone that long since being married. He felt her muscles begin to clench him tighter, she cried out wrapping her legs around his waist urging him deeper and harder. 

Kathryn began to scream as he pounded harder into her, she could feel her voice grow hoarse, he kissed her quiet again. She moaned and felt her body shudder violently against his, she clung to him and he groaned feeling his release as his life spilled into hers, warming her. She buried her face in his neck beginning to cry softly as her body quaked from the intense climax. 

He gasped and kissed her tenderly, she responded, her tears slid down her face. She buried her face against his shoulder whimpering, "oh god! I'll never lose you again Chakotay.”

He crooned gently to her stroking her hair, "I know Kathryn, and we’ll be together always.” He lay beside her pulling her against him, she wrapped her arms around him, and he let her emotions ride out as he held her. 

She quieted after several moments, she kissed his chest and lifted her head gazing at him. He reached up brushing the tears from her face, his heart filled with the love he had for her. “You’re my life Chakotay. I don't know what I'd do without you beside me.”

He stroked her face gently, "you would have survived Kathryn. But," he smiled gently at her, "if something had happened to me long ago, I wouldn't have found the happiness I've found now." 

“Oh Chakotay," she whispered, she kissed him gently. He responded, she pressed herself against him. After a moment she rested her head on his shoulder, he held her. Her eyelids drooped closed and she drifted off to sleep. 

Chakotay held her listening to her sleep, he managed to reach down and pulled his blanket over them. He felt her snuggle closer, he closed his eyes and they slept in the warmth and love of each other's arms. 

Several hours later, way after dinner had been served and cleaned up in the mess hall, both sat in their robes on the sofa drinking some tea and nibbled on some vanilla tea biscuits. She picked up their strewn clothing after waking up while he got them something to eat.

Afterwards she curled up against him with some hot tea, her throat was a bit sore from her screaming and it was soothing, but she was content and happy. He had his arm around her gently running his hand down her side stroking gently. "I'm so happy Chakotay," she murmured.

“So am I Kathryn,” he replied, she had curled her legs beneath her more. They were quiet for several moments. "I've decided I'm not letting you out of my sight again.”

She smiled, "really? You're going to tell your captain where to go?" 

He thought for a moment, then, "no, my wife.” She smirked at him. He smiled, he then put his tea down, slid an arm beneath her knees and lifted her up and across his legs. She laughed at his maneuver, he smiled taking her face in his hands. "Your so beautiful, my love.” He ran a finger along her jaw, she stared at him, "of course, you know we can't prevent either from happening."

He nodded, “I know," she kissed his hand, her voice deep. "If we got home tomorrow nothing will stop me from finding a cozy house on Earth with you and staying forever.” 

"What if they offered you a better command?" he asked. She shook her head, "seven or more years in the Delta Quadrant been enough, huh?" 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "yes, it has.” 

He pulled her closer, "then that only means one thing.”

"What's that?" 

''Lots of children,'' he replied softly kissing the tip of her nose. 

She stared at him, “Chakotay, at my age?" 

He shrugged, "we can try.” 

Kathryn glanced down for a moment, she traced an imaginary shape on his throat and chest. She sighed, "you know how much I love children. But," she shook her head, "a few years ago I gave up having any."

He stared at her, “Kathryn," he said gently, "you’re not too old. And I think you'd be a wonderful mother. I thought when we got married we'd eventually try.” 

She cupped the side of his face gently, "Chakotay it'd make me so happy to give you a child, but while commanding and in this quadrant –” He reached out putting a   
finger to her mouth, she quieted.

“Kathryn," he said gently, "let's just give it time, okay? If that time comes, we’ll deal with it then.” She stared at him and then nodded, he kissed her gently. She responded with a soft sigh wrapping her arms around his neck. The kiss became deeper and more tender as their tongues meshed gently. She clung to him, and then tilted back her head as he kissed her throat. She lifted her head kissing him again, the desire built between them again, he lifted her closer. He whispered while kissing her, "let's go back to bed," he suggested. 

She nodded, “yes, let's," she pulled away from him standing. He stood up, she took his hand and pulled him against her. They kissed again, he wrapped his arms around her and they moved back into the bedroom for more lovemaking.

The next time was as slow and tender as he wished. In the end, he had her crying out his name and clinging tightly to him. They fell asleep in each other's arms and woke to get ready for duty. 

The next morning, the senior staff greeted them with smiles, happy to see the couple had finally reconciled from her time on Quarra.

Six weeks later the ship made real time contact with Starfleet for the first time in seven years. They were closer to home, not by quadrants, but at least by subspace. Little did realize, they'd be home in the Alpha Quadrant a month later under unusual circumstances by time traveler called, Admiral Kathryn Janeway. 

History had been changed forever by her. Kathryn and Chakotay settled on Earth eventually near her mother in Indiana. A year later, Kathryn gave birth to her first child, a boy, Patrick Edward who would then lead his own journey to the stars.

END 

FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED!


End file.
